Relationships Part 14

 

How is the relationship recipe tasting in your life this week?  Does it feel too salty or spicy?  Do you feel fed and full? Are others tossing and throwing in words and glares and stares that gives your soul indigestion?  Are you finding yourself drawn to headlines that leave dread-lines on your heart?   Or are you finding ways to both give and receive the gift of relationship? 

The who, what, why, when, and how questions are endless and sometimes exhausting.  Part of relationships is tending the interior life.  Your relationship with yourself. 

 

How is that going this week? 

 

Honestly, for me recently, I would have to say, not that great.  I can end up relying too much on others to take care of me rather than caring for myself.  I can turn to others seeking out compliments and assurance rather than turning to the Source, God, the Breath of Life that can be encountered in each inhale and exhale.  The truth of Genesis 2 is that we are crafted in and for relationships.  We are crafted by God who longs to be in relationship with us.  We are crafted and created from dust, the earth, in which we find our truest self.  And as Genesis 2:18 preaches and proclaims, “It is not good for the human to be alone.”  No matter how much you or I want to be isolated individuals, our souls long to be seen and heard and known and loved. 

 

So, given this, we can be more aware and awake to what and who and when and how we are feeding and fueling our lives with others.   We can make decisions…not all the time…but most of the time about the relational fuel in the tank of our soul.

 

A few questions to ponder:

 

How much care and support do you need?  Just like not everyone needs 8 glasses of water, yet we all need some water to survive.  How much relational time you need varies – perhaps day to day.  How much care and love you need varies, it is healthy to ask yourself at the start of the day, how much care and support do I need in the hours to come?  From whom, including yourself, can provide that care?

 

How much challenge and growth do you long for?  Some people are content being who they are.  They are comfortable, don’t want to change, so the idea of a coach feels odd or even offensive.  Others are always trying to grow and gobble up podcasts like M&Ms – that’s me by the way.  What is your capacity for growth right now?  And realize the polarization and pandemic and pain of the last few years has left all of us wounded and wanting.  For me, I long to belong and continue to grow, but I affirm this may not be true for everyone.

 

Assess where you are emotionally, physically, relationally on a scale of one to ten.  For example, with dropping our son off at college, that was draining emotionally and relationally for me, so my tank is a bit low.  I am blessed by my wife and daughter and texts from my son that help keep me going and fill me.  I am blessed by church members who ask me how I am doing.  Asking yourself each day how full is your emotional or relational or spiritual or physical tank is a GREAT way to start the day.  This is a helpful and healing prayer practice.  If you are exhausted emotionally, perhaps it is not the best time to call your friend who complains.  If you are feeling energized and ready, that could be a great time to reach out.  To be sure, the other may ignore the text or let the call go to voicemail.  Relationships are always that dance between the “me” and “we” - and you don’t get to control the other.

 

I pray today you will continue to record…just as you would on a food journal…how it is with your soul and ways others are leaving an impression ~ good or not so great. 

 

May you today know joy, love, peace, and contentment…and may you share those who others as you are able.  Amen.

Relationships Part 13

 

Yesterday, we described the reality that our relationships are feeding and fueling our lives.  Sometimes what others serve us – gives us life.  Other relationships have all the nutritional value of what I would eat as a child at Iowa State Fair.  I am looking at you deep-fat fried corn dog with a side of funnel cake washing it down with a large root beer.  Good lord, what was I thinking!

It is important to see what is being served to your heart, mind, and soul in your interactions.  It is important to name and claim that not everyone is looking out for your best interests or wants you to thrive.  It is important to sense that some people are broken, passing along their pain, because as my grandmother would say, “Misery loves company… and some people always have an extra chair for you at the table of woe.” 

I believe part of being present is being awake and awake to the moment ~ rather than replaying the past or worrying about the future.  Prayerfully practicing awareness in the moment by:

~Be aware of who you are interacting with today ~ does the interaction seem easy or cause your stomach to do somersaults?  Your body will tell you quicker than your mind, your soul will shout out if you listen.

~Be aware of when you are interacting.  I have more emotional, spiritual, and relational energy at the beginning of the day.  I can deal with people who drain me easier at the start of the day.  But around 3 pm, I need to laugh and feel love.  Become acquainted and aware of your emotional energy tank - your peaks and valleys.

~Name and claim your why you are interacting with someone.  If there is a “should” or “ought” attached to your reason…hold the words you are saying and be curious about if the story you are telling yourself.  Ask is this really true?  Do you have to call that person right now?  Do you have to respond to that email instantly? 

~ Name and claim the “what” of the relationship, remembering that we usually cannot change another person by one interaction.  You dropping knowledge on someone may make you feel fantastic and cause another person to receive you as a chronic or wounded or write you off quickly.  You are but one cook in the kitchen of life.  You are one actor in the life of another person’s story…and you may not be even part of the supporting cast! 

~ Name and claim the how you are interacting.  Do you sense that you are sharing too much? Does silence make you shift uncomfortably to just start throwing and tossing out a verbal salad? 

The dynamic…which is to say difficult…part of relationships is that you cannot isolate all these factors.  The who, when, why, what, and how are tangled and twisted in you and the other person.  This is what makes the divine dance between “me” and “we” so endlessly evolving…never complete…in many ways challenging, but also a blessing.  So, at the end of the day, we return to the prayer: may you know joy, love, peace, and contentment.  And may each person you encounter on life’s road know the same.  Amen.

Relationships part 12

 

As we begin this week, the last week of August, what have been some “Aha” moments for you over the last month of paying attention to the divine dance of “me” and “we”?  For me, I have realized and recognized more about being present in the fleeting/fading moment, especially to those I care so deeply about.  I have named and claimed, trying to tame, the deep desire to expect others to be perfect…which also means that I let go of being perfect myself.  I’ve sensed how important it is to have coaches, companions, colleagues, casuals, people I care about…I’ve come to see that there will always be chronics and people who pass along their pain in my life too. 

People are complex and rarely fit into neat and tidy boxes of classification or category.  Yet, notice how quickly we do try to confine “others” in boxes, even as we know that there is more to each of us as individuals than on the surface.  If there is a depth in me, what about all the “we”s that are in this world?  What we can pay attention to is the who, what, where, when, why, and how we are interacting with each other.

For example, if someone is chronic complainer, before you go calling that person, why are you calling?  What do you hope to accomplish?  Before you do something ask, what is the why that is driving your decision?  Is that just your cross to bear?  Do you have the emotional and relational and physical fuel to engage that person?  To be sure, you may have to call even if the inner-five-year-old is shouting, “I don’t wanna!!”. 

John Townsend in his book, “People Fuel” makes the point that just as we need good nutrition for our bodies…we need to pay attention to what we are feeding our mind and heart and soul in how we interact.  We can fixate and focus on eating vegetables and exercise, forgetting that you also need relational nutrients.  We need to feel acceptance, feel validated, safe, share new ideas, dream, be forgiven, and offer/receive wisdom. 

Consider what words you are hearing?  Much of what passes for engagement has all the nutritional value of cotton candy.  Much of what we hear or read is not feeding or fueling our lives well.  Just like if I consume too much junk food, my stomach will rebel.  So too, if all I do is listen to people bicker and grumble, my soul will rebel, and I will feel exhausted. 

You need quality relationships that feed and fuel your life.  You need coaches who respect you and celebrate your growth…and will challenge you in good ways.  You need companions who comfort and console you…and will be there by your side to help you so you don’t eat the whole Ben and Jerry’s ice cream container. 

What words are feeding and fueling your life over the last few days?  Sometimes the people are not physically in the room – but on cable news always on in the background and Twitter comments you constantly scroll.  Those words are leaving an impression. 

Prayerfully ponder your relational diet today.  And may you know joy, love, peace, and contentment.  I pray these words become flesh in your connections to others. Amen.

Friday Prayer

 

God, Your giving knows no ending. You continue to draw the circle wide. Help me, even as I struggle to love especially those who drain me and the wounded ones who hurt me. This is NOT the script we are given in life. This is NOT the way we are certain we can live. Yet, deep in my heart, I do believe that the way of hesed, the loving kindness way of Ruth and Naomi, can and will heal the world. Grant and give me a Ruth courage to love, not just the companions and colleagues, but all those who cross my path this day. Thank you for people whose love reminds me of Your love that never lets me go. Continue to inspire and infuse this sacred dance between “me” and “we” in life today. In the name of the One who gathered friends to share life’s journey, Jesus the Christ. Amen.

Breathe

 

Breathe in today…the holy mystery of God’s connection with you right now.

Breathe in the truth that you continue to be crafted and created in God’s image in this moment.

Breathe in the ways God cares about you and God companions with you.

 

There is a great prayer in the Buddhist tradition where you begin with yourself and pray, “May I be happy, healthy, safe, and live with ease.”  Or you can alter this just a bit, “May I today know joy, love, peace, and contentment.” 

 

Pause and pray those words for yourself.

 

Now, I invite you to go back over the “homework” for the last few days to pray that prayer for every person you’ve interacted with.  Pray for your coaches to have joy, love, peace, and contentment today.  Pray for your companions to have joy, love, peace, and contentment.  Pray for your causal, colleague, and those whom you care for deeply.

 

Now, comes the challenging part, where Christ’s invitation to love our enemies comes into play.  To pray that the chronics and wounded ones of your life would know joy, love, peace, and contentment. 

 

Wait…what?  This is not easy.  Maybe today all you can find the strength to do is that your wounded one would know contentment.  Or pray for that chronic to taste a millimeter of peace.

The point of this practice is to do this daily throughout your life.  This is not a one and done type of experience, there is no finish line where you can do this perfectly all the time.  We work with the Divine dance in our own lives and to move in the lives of others.

 

I pray for you, dear reader, today to know joy, love, peace, and contentment…to let your light shine to others.  Amen.

Relationships Part 11

 

Did you discover yesterday folks who were comrades/companions or colleagues?  Did you rummage through your memories for coaches in the past?  Were you able to name some people you casually see from time to time?  Or maybe you thought of some people who did not fit in ANY of the classifications.  Townsend offers three more groupings:

 

1.     Care – those who we seek to shower with hesed which is God’s love, peace and presence.

2.     Chronic – people who are always longing and looking for more hesed…energy…fuel… attention from us.

3.     Wounded – people who hurt and harm us in all sorts of ways because of their own woundedness.

 

To reiterate, some of the people from yesterday might also fit neatly and nicely in the words above.  For example, my family are companions on life’s journey AND three people I care about more than words could express.  I care about people in our church deeply.  Unfortunately, humans have the compacity to hurt one another.  There are people in all our lives who cause the fuel tank of our soul to feel depleted and drained.  Often, because we are faithful folks who love because we are be-loved of God, we have this notion that we must… have to… ought to… should…keep on loving the chronics and wounded/injured/soul draining people in life. 

 

Here is where life is more than a mathematical equation to solve, but a mystery to be lived.  The complexity of life doesn’t just mean we can completely avoid or un-friend the chronics and wounded ones in life.  There are chronics who I do care about and I choose to continue to do so.  Some of the folks in this combine category include extended branches on my family tree.  You might have someone who can frustrate you so much your fuel tank is exhausted and emptied, only the next time to say something that strangely warms your heart.  Know that we need healthy boundaries with chronic and wounded folks.  One of the most important ideas is to decide when and where I stay in the relationships.  You may have bosses who are chronic and you can’t get another job.  You may have family who are wounded, but you are still connected.  You may have friends you feel compelled to care about, even when you are not sure you can really help.

 

There are a thousand other scenarios, relationship dynamics and dance, that you live every day.  There is no formula that I can give you to make everything magically better – where every day is boat rides down a chocolate river. The power of these categories is to give us a framework, scaffolding to view our lives and relationships.  The point is not to box someone in, because change is constant in the divine dance of “me” and “we”.  But this can help us sort through why do I always feel drained after talking to that person?  Why do I not want to go to that dinner party with that person?  Why am I drawn and want to be around this other person?  Awareness can aid our living.  Continue to explore and experience the relationships that feeding and fueling your life.  I pray that these seven groupings might shed some light on your life this day.

 

Prayer: God, You came to us in the flesh/breath/bones of Jesus Christ to make our relationship real.  Help us accept one another with all our blessings and brokenness.  Help us accept ourselves as Your beloved.  Thank you for continuing to companion with us.  Amen.

Relationships Part 10

 

Yesterday, I invited you to use John Townsend’s title, People Fuel, to see how relationships were strengthening or stressing you or maybe just leave you feeling “Meh”.  Not every relationship or interaction is easily classified or categorized.  My conversation with the server in a restaurant doesn’t need to be life changing for either of us, but I pray will be filled with kindness and grace. 

 

Even as relationships sometimes defy definition, it is still helpful to have some structure to talk about the people who feed and fuel our lives.  This is where Townsend’s book is helpful.  He has seven groups.  Today, we will explore the first four, tomorrow we will encounter the other three.  I invite you to add this to the practice of reviewing relationships each day.  Is there a name or two that immediately and instantly pops into your mind when you read brief description below? 

 

The first four of Townsend’s relationships are positive:

1.     Coaches – people who share and shine their expertise/experience with you.  Those who offer you helpful insights or listen to you.

2.     Comrades/companions – friends whose care makes all the difference, those who leave a lingering impression on your life.

3.     Causals – those who we encounter every now and then, but don’t necessarily seek out.

4.     Colleagues – people we work alongside on committees or to get tasks done.

 

Note that some of the people you may have just thought of may fit in two or three categories.  For example, I am blessed to work with a GREAT church staff as well as church leadership.  They are both colleagues and comrades/companions.  And because I love alliteration, our church is blessed with people I can collaborate, cooperate, and even conspire with in the best sense of those words.  I have coaches who listen to me including a great spiritual director and have had professionals who have helped me think about my career and emotional health.  I think about causal folks, like the grocery clerk who works every Friday morning and checks me out.  I usually seek out his line if I see him just to check in with him. 

 

Who are some of the folks in each category in your life?  I appreciate that Townsend says you will ALWAYS need coaches in your life.  We never graduate from life or cross the finish line of relationships.  You are evolving and expanding (remember sometimes we change and forget to tell ourselves or others!).  Who are the soul friends who might be both coach and companion – like David and Jonathan or Naomi and Ruth?  Who are those people you encounter on a regular basis causally…but meaningfully?  And who are the people you are working alongside in the art project called life or to accomplish an important task?  See if this framework might help you each day review and replay the relationships that fill your day.

 

Prayer: God of connections where Your presence dances among us, help me continue to be part of this movement between “me” and “we” in these August days.  Amen.

Relationships Part 9

 

For the last few weeks, we’ve prayerfully pondered our relationships ~ the Divine dance between “me” and “we” – the movement of ourselves and others.  We’ve noticed and named that we change as individuals, and often forget to tell ourselves.  If this is true about you, then it is also true about me…and all the other “mes” you encounter in the world.  Just as God forms and fashions us for relationships, our connections continue to shape throughout our lives.

 

A few weeks ago, we focused on David and Jonathan and Jon’s dad, Saul.  As my grandmother would say, “Two is company, three is a crowd.”  Or as Family Systems theory states, threes create triangles.  Or as your experience in middle school taught you when friend A told you something negative friend B said about you that set off emotional fireworks in your heart that ruined the rest of your day.  Lest you think we’ve outgrown this…gotten so much more mature or enlightened…go read the comments on social media.

 

It's okay…I’ll wait.

 

Many of the “anonymous” comments show us that we may leave Middle School…but Middle School doesn’t leave us no matter how many birthday candles are on our cake.  This Divine dance between “me” and “we”.  That there is a “we” inside every “me”. 

 

This week, I invite you to learn and listen to John Townsend who wrote a book entitled, People Fuel.  Pause with me on that title because it is a GREAT image!  People fuel and feed us.  We know this.  Some interactions energize us…other interactions drain us or we dread calling that person who drones on and on, but never asks or seems to care how we are doing.  Some people bring a smile, others cause our souls to sag.  This has been true from the beginning of time.  This is part of what is at the heart of all the Scripture stories we are reading this month in church.  David and Jonathan filled each other’s souls, gave life, and energy.  But, David drained Saul’s soul for complex, complicated reasons that Scripture doesn’t detail ~ although throwing a spear to pin that person to the wall is a pretty good sign that the relationship is not healthy.  Or yesterday, we heard how Ruth and Naomi filled each other’s souls.  The Hebrew word is “hesed” which means unconditional, unceasing, and even uncontrollable love.  Hesed usually refers to God’s gaze toward us.  But you and I have people who “hesed” us.  People who fill and fuel our lives with a presence that adds meaning beyond description or definition. 

 

This week I want us to pay attention to our people fuel.  Now you could do this formally by writing down the names of the people you interact with each day.  You can do this at the end of each day, mentally remembering and replaying your relationships.  Too often, we get caught in a story we are telling about ourselves, that we don’t push pause ~ go back ~ try to edit what we are telling ourselves.  For example, I might say something to my wife that initially I taught was funny, she didn’t think it was very amusing, I get frustrated that clearly my gift of humor is being unappreciated, and we begin the downward spiral.  Or I say something at a meeting that I think is insightful, someone else says almost the same thing, the other person gets praised, while I sit stewing in my own un- and under- appreciated-ness.  To replay and review the relationships each day.  Test and try this out today, being present to the people who wander into our lives each day, sharing the journey of the hours ahead. 

 

Prayer: God of relationships that strengthen and sometimes stress us, help us today hold and live the truth that all people are created in Your image.  Amen.

Friday Prayer

 

Please pray with me: God, thank you, for people who love us unconditionally and unceasingly.  Thank you for people who take Your love from an intellectual concept and put words/flesh/breath/bone into Your presence.  Thank you especially for those who love us when we cannot love ourselves.  Thank you for authors and artists who add sweet and savory spices to the recipe of relationships.  God, we are an ever-changing concoction of You, Your image surging within us, and others’ presence in our lives.  At the same time, we are more than the sum of our experiences and encounters.  Your grace tells us that one plus one doesn’t equal two, but there is a cumulative and ever evolving dynamic to relationships. Thank you, God, for all the people who we’ve named this week in the index of the book of love in our lives.  Thank you, O God, that You who has become known to us in real ways this week in our interactions and encounters.  May our relationship with You, with ourselves, and with others continue to be caught up in Your wisdom and will for this world and for us.  In the name of the One who gathered twelve friends as life’s companions, Jesus the Christ. Amen. 

Pausing in our Relationships

 

Today we push pause to breathe and be.  We lean in to listen to God who can move in our midst in such dazzling mysterious ways that will always open more for us to explore and encounter.  We never exhaust or finish our relationship, the Divine Dance, with God, ourselves, or others.  We live and move; have our being in the rhythm of “me” and “we”. 

 

So breathe in this week naming some of the people you’ve talked with on the phone or in person …breathe out words someone said that frustrated, hurt, or harmed you.

 

Breathe in the names of people who are part of the index in the back of your book of love…breathe out the good, the bad, the ugly ~ the pluses and minus that are part of any/all relationships. 

 

Breathe in the endless exploration of relationships…breathe out the idea that any of us ever graduate or obtain a guru/Yoda Jedi-Master status in our communal connections.  We are always learners. 

 

Breathe in authors and artists who have sung, storied, sashayed their way into your index… breathe out the power ballads and romanticized ideals of movies or books that gave some strange ideas about love and connections.

 

Breathe in the “we” that is inside your “me”…breathe out some of the ways we pass along unprocessed pain.

 

Breathe and be in the presence of the One whose first and last word is love that never lets us go and is never finished with us.  Amen.

Relationships Part 8

 

You now have a list of people who taught and from whom you caught the ways of being in relationship.  You may have named and noticed how the person connected with you ~ in good or bad or even ugly ways.  Yet, our relationships cannot always be classified or compartmentalized into positive or negative or both.  Sometimes our relationships are complex and complicated ~ like Saul and David in our scripture from Sunday.  There are countless ways to engage the movement from “me” to “we”.

 

Some of the folks in my index of the Book of Love include:

Family who modeled how to relate and whose words/presence molded me.

Childhood friends from whom I learned laughter’s healing art and the playfulness of prayer.

Teachers who inspired me as well as informed/educated.

Mentors whose wisdom and one liners I can still hear echoing in my mind.

Work colleagues who got me through the first few years of ministry.

 

You might put in your index people from the past.  Like the boss you set you in a new direction through a promotion or maybe a pink slip.  And continue to the present with other church members who you sit alongside on Sunday mornings.   Today, I invite you to grow index of the book of love by stirring in culture. 

 

You see, our world tells us a great deal about relationships.  I am looking at you Family Ties and Friends episodes of my youth.  I am looking at you, romance writers and Bridges of Madison County writer Robert Waller (there is your Iowa reference for the week!).  I am looking at you Disney movies.  I am looking at you the Monotones and Beyonce and Celine Dion! 

 

The music, movies, books, Facebook posts, and even this morning meditation, has ways of leaving an impression…perhaps without us even realizing it.  From the songs played at your prom to your wedding to movies that had you reaching for Kleenex and books that you never wanted to end.  These…these words/moments are important to name and notice.

 

I want you to think about a song that brings tears to your eyes or makes your soul come alive.  I want you to recall your favorite movie that you’ve seen so many times you can repeat the lines.  I want you to list on your paper with family and friends, the authors whose words leapt from the page and became part of your understanding of the world.

 

You may think, “Humph, Nora Roberts doesn’t tell me about relationships and love.”  Perhaps not.  But we swim in a sea of culture…like a fish in water…perhaps not realizing the ways what we watch, listen to, and read is shaping our souls every day.  You are being shaped by what you read and hear, ponder this truth prayerfully as you turn on the television or click on a story.  Add to your index ~ movies, music, artists, poets, authors, and others who you may not know personally, but who are there on the shelf of your soul impacting and influencing you.

 

What I saw on the movie screen growing up shaped me.  What I read about romance as a teenager filled my mind with ideas that guided me.  What I witnessed in music left a rhythm to which I tried to groove and move.  The more we name, the more we can begin to tame some of the forces that are working in our lives.  I would LOVE to hear some of the authors and artists who are part of your index in the book of love.  I named some of mine.  Now it’s your turn if you wish.  Amen.

Relationships part 7

 

Yesterday, I invited you to start making an index of people who helped you write the book of love in your life.  Not every lesson in loving others was easy in my life.  We all have that first heartbreak of love early in life (high school or college), when we realize how vulnerable it is to care deeply about someone and to have that love end.  Love is fragile like a teacup dropped on a concrete floor. 

 

I recall the moment I broke up with the young woman I was dating.  I remember for a few days I thought the only people who understood me were Ben & Jerry and their delicious, healing ice cream.  My parents at the time didn’t understand.  My friends thought they had to choose sides.  I knew the truth God spoke in Genesis 2:18, it is not good for human to be alone.  Slowly, I picked up the pieces of that shattered, sharp shards of the teacup called a broken heart.  I wish I would have known more about grief.  I wish I would have known the truth that we either process our pain or we pass it along…I vented a lot of my anger on unsuspecting, well-meaning friends.  And after a few years of thinking I might never love again (young adult love tends toward the dramatic and drastic at times), I eventually met Gina which has changed my life for the better in more ways than I’ll ever understand or know or articulate.  And this week we will celebrate our 22^nd anniversary.  There is a story behind every name in the index of your book of love.

 

Not all the people listed in the index at the back of the book of our life are lights of love.  As you continue to add to your list of who wrote the book of love that you carry and cart around on the shelf of your soul every day, go back over the list.  You may simply what to put a plus sign (+), if the relationship was positive or a minus sign (-), if the relationship was negative.  You may need to put BOTH.  Other times you may feel neutral about the name and not put either a plus or minus.  There are several cousins, for example, who I barely know.  Their names would be on my list because I have some relationship, connection to these people, but it isn’t positive or negative, it just is. 

 

Or maybe you want to write a few words next to the person’s name about how this person left his/her fingerprints on your heart.  Describe what and how the relationship leaves a lingering impression.

 

This is YOUR list of who has shaped your unfolding, evolving, expanding, elastic definition of relationships throughout your life. 

 

Prayer: For moments, O God, when we are shaped by a Your love that never lets us go, we give thanks.  For moments, our hearts have felt broken into a thousand, tiny sharp shards of glass, we pray for healing.  For all the people who have left an impression; help us today name the good and let go of the past pain.  May Your grace guide us as we continue to explore our relationships.  Amen.

Relationship part 6

 

It was the sacred sages known as The Monotones who in the 1957 sang, “I wonder, wonder, wonder who…who wrote the book of love.”  Fun fact, that song was inspired by a toothpaste commercial with the line, “You’ll wonder where the yellow went…went you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.”  And who said dental care was not inspirational??  I read this on the internet, so it must be true.

 

Who wrote the book of love is a question we live our whole life answering.  You are a walking index of experiences and encounters that taught you about love.

 

Some of the lessons were positive.

Some were negative.

Some filled you so full you could burst.

Some drained you, left your soul feel parched.

 

Maybe your parents and grandparents modeled healthy relationships of respect, kindness, joy, and laughter…maybe you spent your childhood walking on eggshells or felt the pain of addiction leave a mark ~ emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

 

You have read about love, heard it on the radio, and seen it on the silver screen.

 

What is in the index of your book of love?

 

Take out a piece of and begin to write down the names of people you can remember who have left fingerprints on your heart.  Start with family: parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, second cousins twice removed.  Next write down names of childhood friends through college roommates.  Next colleagues, coaches, mentors, and companions in your adulthood.  The point is NOT to come up with a complete, exhaustive, perfect list of everyone.  Remember from yesterday ~ on average most of us have 300 friendships in our lives.  There is NO way we can remember everyone.  Rather, to begin to name and notice those whose life made you who you are.  Take time today to rewind and remember those whose presence lingers in your mind, heart, and on the shelves of your soul.

 

Prayer: God, You are known in relationships, You still come to us in the flesh of family and friends.  Thank you for those whose love has enfolded us.  Thank you for moments when we have realized the fragility of love; how vulnerable it can be to share our shy souls with others.  Thank you for the holy invitation love has that can break us open.  We pray especially for those in the world whose hearts are harden and bitter from the pain of the past that confines them in emotional and spiritual prisons.  Let Your liberating love move through us to others this day and week.  Amen. 

Relationships Part 5

 

The heart of another is a dark forest, always, no matter how close it has been to one’s own.  Willa Cather.  Or said another way.  Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.  Hugh Mackay

 

What is one “Aha” moment you had this week?  What is one insight or idea that popped into your imagination?  What is one question that still lingers around concerning relationships with yourself, God, and others?

 

Please pray with me:

God of questions that lead to quests, adventures, new directions and destination; meet us today.  Help us find ways to practice laughter’s healing art; help us discover the blessings that bind and tie us to others; help us also see when those ties constrict or confine or hurt or harm.  We pray for those we love more than words could ever say.  We name aloud now family and friends:

Please name aloud.

We pray for those we care about, but frustrate us.

Please name aloud.

We pray for those in our church and community, those who we long to know more.

Please name aloud.

We pray for those who have caused pain and we are not sure we can really love fully.

Please name aloud.

We pray for ourselves, O God, giving thanks that You are not finished with us yet.

Please name aloud.

 

Meet us here in this messy moment of trying to navigate the forest of living where we don’t have detailed maps or turn-by-turn navigation.  Help us see the beautiful complexity of our connections and that we don’t get to control all the outcomes.  For the sometimes hurtful and other times hilarious irrationality of ourselves and others, guide us with grace and led us with love. 

 

May you know peace.  May you know joy.  May you know love.  Now and every moment.  Amen. 

Relationships Part 4

 

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
Thomas Merton.

 

Yesterday, our daughter began her senior year of High School.  Today, we drive our son to college.  I invite you to pray with me.

 

God whose first name is love and who crafts us to be love.  God, You continually test and try new ways, inviting us into the Divine Dance of evolving.  God, You never stopped creating, so that each day is a new creation.  Meet every person in the holy mystery of this present moment.  I pray for all students beginning school this year.  I pray for teachers, administrators, governing bodies, and all institutions living in a time when foundations don’t seem as firm as they once were.  Yet, we tumble forward focused not only the problems, but on the present young people who have wisdom and insight that can help.  Help us listen to all, not just to some.  Help break down generational barriers that too often divide us.  Help us be aware of our criticisms of self and other.  I pray that each student would find ways to let their light shine, to be fully her or himself…not reflections of who someone else wants them to be.  And yet, we know that we are who we are because of relationships.  This divine dance between “me” and “we” is not easy.  We step on toes and get out of rhythm.  Help us when our words wound.  Help us when we storm off the dance floor in a huff.  Help us, O God, when we cling to certainty rather than curiosity.  I pray for families, for new friendships, for ways of being here and now that would live into the mystery of the present moment.  In the name of the One who gathered twelve disciples, friends, companions for the journey, Jesus the Christ.  Amen.