Contemplating the Chart of Complex Love

 

Yesterday, I invited you to make a chart of the various relationships and expressions of love.  On the left, you wrote down the relationship: parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, spouse, children, friends, and church members.  I invited you to name names and try to describe the texture of that love.  The third column of the chart, trying to define how love was OR wasn’t expressed.  This is often the hardest part.  It can be painful to say that a parent withheld love.  It can brush or bump up against an old scar to say that love has faltered, or forgiveness was not given in a relationship.  Today, I want you to notice God who is next to you, looking over the chart.  There are two prayers I have for this invitation.  First, for you to see the complexity and contradictions around the four letters of love.  There is a reason why we find love both fascinating and frustrating, which you can begin to see when you write down all the ways love has both held and hurt you.  When you are honest that your dad's leaving you was traumatic and caused love to lose its luster.  When you are honest about your grandmother’s love, which was through food, but never in hugs, or maybe came with expectations too high a pole vaulter couldn’t clear them.  When you are honest, you drag into your life these experiences (good, bad, and ugly) of love like a piece of toilet paper stuck to your shoe that you don’t notice.  Second, I believe this chart helps us see the expansiveness and diversity of love that we hold in our hearts but don’t often talk about.  This helps us see the experiences that have shaped you, made you who you are.  You may think, “No wonder I am suspicious of all this love talk when I see firsthand that I’ve never felt the unconditional and unceasing part of God’s affection.”  Or no wonder I doubt that love is a force, because too many people have used love to manipulate.  While God’s love doesn’t come with terms and conditions in fine print you can’t read, human love rarely can embody God’s call.  We keep trying.  The more we awaken to how the past is impacting the present, the more we can begin to let God have the brokenness and less-than-perfectness of affection in our lives.  May you discover and uncover God’s presence as you keep working, adding to, writing on your chart of love this week.  Amen.

 

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Charting Our Complex, Complicated Love

 

One of the most overused words that we toss and throw around is “love.”  I often feel those four letters cannot bear the weight of our expectations.  Krista Tippet recently said, “I’m on record bemoaning across the years that ‘love’ is the most watered-down word in the English language. I know that invoking love feels very soft for our hard realms of politics and war.”  This is especially true in the church, where the central and core message of Jesus is to love God with our whole being (from the top of our heads to our pinkie toes) and to love our neighbor as ourselves.  (Matthew 22:37-40).  Unfortunately, Jesus did not give us a five-step, easy-to-follow plan to accomplish this call.  Jesus didn’t leave us an IKEA-like hieroglyphic art telling us how to live our faith, embody/express God’s love.  Jesus tells us to love God, others, and ourselves.  Mic drop and lots of furrowed brows with frownie faces thinking, “Um, could you say just a little more about that, Jesus?!?”  How do we love God?  I can make things very complicated, complex, and convoluted; it is truly one of my spiritual gifts.  When I boil down what it means to love God, for me, this invitation is about paying attention to God who is paying attention to you, me, and we.  We open our sacred imaginations to the traces of God’s grace etched in our lives.  It is only when we experience God’s love that we can express God’s affection to others.  God’s love that doesn’t come with a wagging finger of shame or blame.  God’s love, which isn’t passive-aggressive like me when I say to someone, “I am not mad, I’m just disappointed.”   God’s love is a thread that seeks to heal our wounded hearts, make us whole, and send us out…where inevitably other humans will hurt us again…so the process repeats again and again. 

 

How do you define “love”?  Maybe it isn’t just words but examples.  What does love feel like, taste, sound, smell, or look like?  When was the last time you were fully loved?  This June, we are exploring the theme, “Love makes a family”.  Both the words “family” and “love” are meant to be expansive.  Both words invite experimentation.  Both words will never be exhausted or explored in our lives.  This is one reason why the definition of love is too static.  If we try to confine love, it will become stale.  You can’t put love in a museum case behind plexiglass to protect it; it starts to wither.  Love and vulnerability are the street corners of your heart.  Love and expression are the prayers of your soul.  Love and forgiveness/healing are the work of your life.  Love and family are dynamic and diverse, constantly changing. 

 

Yesterday, I invited you to explore love by listing all the people in your family growing up, your family of a spouse/partner, and your neighbors/friends/Florida family of adaptation and affirmation.  After you name names, then write down the way “love” was experienced and encountered with each. Was love freely given or with more strings attached than a puppet?  Was love unceasing or given with expectations?  Was love withheld or shared?  As I do that, I start to see that the way love was experienced with my mom was different than with dad and is different than with my wife and my kids.  I start to see the breadth and depth.  You can make a chart where on the left you list the relationship: dad, mom, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, spouse, kids, neighbors, friends, etc.  Then add the names.  Then the way love was/is felt/experienced.  Then, any other notes.  Four columns that can help us see that love is messy and human and more diverse than the people who are trying to share this word in all our humanness in these days.  May God’s unconditional and unceasing love be with you, enfold you, and hold you as you try this exercise out.

Click here for a downloadable worksheet

Prayer

 

And Breathe

 

Yesterday, I invited you to pay attention to your breath.  This isn’t some new or novel way to be, but it is as ancient as breath prayers. This is a meaningful way to settle your mind and awaken your attention to God’s presence.  This dates back to early Christianity as a way to pray without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5:16)  There is usually a phrase you say in a whisper as you inhale and one as you exhale.  Here are a few examples from Sarah Bessey.

 

Inhale: Show me who to be,      Exhale: and what is mine to do.

Inhale: You give us peace,        Exhale: My heart is not troubled.  (inspired by John 14:27)

Inhale: Courage and grace        Exhale: are my home.

Inhale: I will not despair,       Exhale: Hope is my daily choice.

Inhale: Protect the truth-tellers, Exhale: Surround them with comfort and grace.

Inhale: Remind me to breathe   Exhale: and to believe.

Inhale: In the darkness,            Exhale: illuminate the truth.

Inhale: Despair is not my only option,          Exhale: I choose stubborn faithfulness.

 

Try to create your own.

 

Inhale: God is my shepherd      Exhale: Guide me today.

Inhale: Let the nets of my life    Exhale: Be filled with Your love.

Inhale: Infusing God                Exhale: Inspire my living

 

For me, this prayer practice reminds me of two truths.  One, spirituality is about paying attention.  Two, religion means reconnecting myself to God and others, and the me I sometimes hide from myself/others.  Your breath is central and core to embodying and living these two truths every day.  May you experience and encounter the Eternal with every breath you take today.  Amen.

The Diversity of Dust

 

One day, the Eternal God scooped dirt out of the ground, sculpted it into the shape we call human, breathed the breath that gives life into the nostrils of the human, and the human became a living soul. Genesis 2:7 (The Voice Translation)

 

On Monday, I offered you four translations of Genesis 2:7; you can go back and re-read to remind yourself and review what leapt off the page.  I love the Voice Translation.  There is an earthiness to the words above.  God is getting God’s fingernails caked with the clay of earth.  God on God’s knees, sweat on God’s brow.  I picture God trying to form the legs, carefully making them the same length, which isn’t easy.  Do you think that took God a few tries?  Or I picture God forming a pinkie toe, so fragile and vulnerable, maybe a toe or two even broke off the first time.  Or God making the head just right so that we wouldn’t topple over on ourselves!  Humans are fascinating, as is all of creation, which is God-soaked.  Notice that without God’s breath, the human was just a lump of clay…because that is what we were and are and can be!!  We are dust.  And, Scripture says, we are divine.  We are human (of the soil) and stardust.  We are a messy mixture of so many contradictory and complex experiences and events.  We are people who have individual and shared histories.  You reflect God’s creativity, all of you.  Brian McLaren says that all of you are welcome and all of you is welcome.  This means that you can fully let both the beautiful and broken parts of yourself be seen in this world.  This is complicated by the fact that trust between us is broken (if not shattered).  This is made more difficult and demanding because we don’t practice letting our light shine bright in many places.  We all wear masks that make every day feel like Halloween.  We hide behind titles or money or possessions or power.  We show up in one place with one version of ourselves and another place in a different way.  Do we realize the truest image of God within us, or is that sacred spark so hidden beneath cultural expectations, layers of shame, blame, hurt, and not feeling fully accepted and affirmed?  In June, we celebrate PRIDE month, honoring God’s creativity and beauty in LGBTQ+ siblings.  Like any other month when we shine a light on God’s beloved (Black History Month, Women’s History Month, Asian-Pacific Islander Sunday, Mental Health Month, Juneteenth, Creation Justice Month, and countless other holy days to see the diversity of Divinity), we may wonder, “Why all the fuss?”  Shouldn’t we just emphasize our common humanity?  While I believe God’s love is unconditionally offered to all, I know that I live this side of God’s full realm and reign.  I still pray, “Thy Kingdom/Kin-dom Come,” which means two things.  First, God’s realm ain’t here yet.  Second, I need to let go of my reign and realm where I am in charge/control.  It is a blessing to celebrate these days and months that invite us to delve/dive deeper into the complexity of creation and our Creator.  God is still forming.  God still has the clay of your life under God’s fingernails.  God is still fashioning, forming, and isn’t finished yet with you or me or we as a people.  How can I find ways to let God be God?  I think it begins with breathing in.  When I inhale, I am infused and inspired by the holy oxygen of God.  When I exhale, I let go of control (see Morning Meditations from last week on letting go, letting be, letting come).  While I can direct my breath in certain ways, once inside me, the oxygen can take me in a myriad of directions and toward unintended directions.  Notice your breathing today; notice God’s energy around you and within you today; notice how you let loose God’s presence as you move about your day.  Amen. 

Dust Part 2

 

Yesterday, you considered some of your friends who embody and enliven God’s presence in your lives.  I wonder if there are certain character traits you are drawn to?  Are you fascinated with people who are serious and somber, wanting to solve all the world’s problems?  OR would you rather spend time with someone who makes you laugh and forget about life for a while?  Would you rather sit over a cup of coffee with your friends, or do you want to go have an adventure together (knowing that for some of us going out to a movie feels like an adventure!)?  Are you drawn together because of geography, spirituality, politics, interests, music, or some other magnetic force?  Review your list today and put down what you love about each person.  Maybe it is that you’ve shared life and have funny stories you relive each time you are together.  Maybe your pal is your book friend with whom you are always swiping suggestions for your next great read.  It is a wonderful gift not only to think about what you appreciate about others, but to tell the person!  I remember at camp, we would do affirmations at the end of the week.  We would have a piece of paper for each person in our cabin, go around, and write down what we appreciated about each other.  It was meant to be anonymous, but you could sometimes tell who wrote what on your sheet of paper.  We never outgrow our desire for affirmation.  In May, we spoke about gifts.  I often find it is easier to talk about others’ gifts rather than my own.  Yet each of us is continually created in God’s image and bears God’s love in unique ways that are needed in such a time as this.  Ponder who you are connected to and why you have a tie that has been a blessing to you.  And, if you feel brave, you may even want to share that with the people on your list.  Amen.

Dust

 

Then the Lord God formed (hu)man from the dust of the ground and breathed into the nostrils the breath of life, and the (hu)man became a living being.  Genesis 2:7 (NRSV)

 

So YHWH fashioned an earth creature out of the clay of the earth and blew into its nostrils the breath of life.  Genesis 2:7 (Inclusive Bible)

 

One day the Eternal God scooped dirt out of the ground, sculpted it into the shape we call human, breathed the breath that gives life into the nostrils of the human, and the human became a living soul. Genesis 2:7 (The Voice Translation)

 

God formed Human out of dirt from the ground and blew into its nostrils the breath of life. The Human came alive—a living soul! (The Message).

 

Yesterday, we began a series called Love Makes a Family.  In Genesis 2, after God forms, fashions, breathes, and loves the first dust being into life (Dusty), God observes that it isn’t good for a human to be alone.  This isn’t about dating or marriage.  This is about connection.  If you rewind just a bit to the first creation narrative in Genesis 1:1-2:3, at the very end, God says, “Let us make humans in our image” Genesis 1:26.  God is in relationship (with both the Spirit and Chaos) before the sky/seas/manatees/Creation responds to God’s voice.  God is in collaboration and cooperation with the Spirit, sloshing chaos, and Christ from the beginning.  God loves committees and group projects.  I asked you in the sermon to ponder some of the people who have left fingerprints upon your heart in your life.  In Genesis 2, God seeks a partner, helper, or companion for the first human.  While the dogs were great, while the birds sang songs, while the armadillos had a great sense of humor, it wasn’t until the first human gazed into the eyes of another featherless biped that the soul felt full.  We are meant/built for relationships because that is a central and core characteristic of our Creator.  Who are your partners who make your heart sing?  In fact, rewind and remember.  Who were your pals in elementary school, high school, when you started work, and right now?  This isn’t meant to be an exhaustive assignment.  Scroll through the photo album that lives in your memory.  Are you still in contact with any of them?  Which friend have you known the longest?  This isn’t a competition.  Sometimes we meet a soul friend late in life.  Further, it isn’t the length of the list that matters.  As a matter of fact, Dunbar’s number suggests we can maybe only have three to five intimate friendships and that we can only really “know” up to 150 people ~ after that, they become acquaintances.  Or as Arthur Brooks says, you can have deal friends (where the relationship is transactional) or real friends (where no one keeps a spreadsheet over how many times you ask for a favor).  Ponder your list.  What are your thoughts?  Can you have more than five close friends?  Do you feel like you really know more than 150 people?  Or do you find that several people are more deal friends than real?  If Love Makes a Family, then how can our church encourage caring and belonging (two of our values) that is real for each person?  May God expand and improvise our living out of these questions each day.