Sensing the Systems

 

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”  “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:38-42

 

It is interesting to me how many conclusions and convictions we can arrive at from reading just a few verses of scripture.  Our minds love to fill in the blanks with all sorts of delicious details. For example, I can be lured to believe that Martha is the type A, driven, and 8 on the Enneagram (people who want to prove their strength and resist weakness, dominate the environment, and stay in control).   While Mary is quieter and more contemplative, glad to be reading books or singing, “The hills are alive with the sound of music.”  Do we really know this?  We get one glimpse of Martha and Mary’s complex, contradictory lives, and we think we’ve got them all figured out.  We do this not only with scripture, but sadly, with each other.  We meet someone with a bumper sticker on the back of their truck for a particular candidate, and suddenly we know their whole life story.  Or we bump into someone at a health food store buying matcha, and suddenly we have compartmentalized and condensed their whole story.  After all, how well do we really know ourselves?  How often do I say to myself, “Why did you do that, bonehead?!?”  (I often talk to myself in ways I would never talk to someone else).  Because we compartmentalize someone, we tend to put them in a box, assign them a role in the play we are producing ~ where we are the star of the show, and force that person to stay in their lane/stick to their knitting.  God forbid that someone try to change, even though we are constantly changing physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.  This isn’t new.  Dr. Murray Bowen noticed this years ago when he was a doctor in a psychiatric hospital.  He noticed when families would come to visit on weekends, how the patients would change in response to their moms and dads…suddenly taking the role their parents wanted them to take.  We all want to belong, but because we are not sure we will truly be accepted or that we are truly wanted, we tend to settle for fitting in.  Bowen said that family systems will do anything to keep homeostasis.  We will bully, triangulate (that is, talk about someone to a third person rather than talk directly to the person ~ church parking lots are famous breeding grounds for this behavior), shame, or blame someone ~ raining guilt down until they are saturated and soaked into submission.  And systems that are unhealthy don’t easily change; we know this socially in our economy and politics, but also in our churches that would rather go along to get along than risk trying something new.  Rewind and review your life so far this year.  Have you triangulated?  I have.  Have you sometimes stopped listening to someone because you think you know what they are going to say?  I have.  Do you sometimes resist change, or have you said, “Oh, we already tried that!”  Or “That will never work here”?  I have.  This week, let's explore the systems that shape us, stop us, and other times confine and contain us in ways we may not even realize but spend a lot of calories resisting.  May the reflections on our one, wild, and precious life (thank you for that beautiful phrase, Mary Oliver) be shown in all its perplexity and complexity and three-dimensional nature that is true not only for us, but for others, especially Martha and Mary.

Slow Down

 

God of endless choices, sometimes our lives feel as overwhelming as trying to navigate the cereal aisle at the store.  Good lord, do I need over a hundred boxes for breakfast?  Sometimes, O God, I can make all choices feel like life-or-death decisions.  What if I write an awful morning meditation that doesn’t get “enough” likes?  What if I lose my temper and say something I instantly regret?  What if I falter as a husband and father and pastor?  We live in a world of false urgency with everyone wanting to play the part of “Mordecai” in the stage production of our life.  Good Lord, help!  Help me name and notice which decisions are important and which ones I have surrounded with anxiety and false pressure.  Help me name and notice why some decisions feel bigger because they impact others more than myself.  Help me quiet the voices that shout at me that I have to act now or else.  Amid a world that spins faster than the tilt-a-whirl at the State Fair, God, slow me down to Your pace.  Grant me Your spaciousness.  Be with me in the moments when I am exhausted, overwhelmed, and underslept because my problems keep waking me up at 3 a.m. to chat.  God, You are here in such a time as this.  I am here.  We are here together.  Help me see that others are also in this space, that there are caring people like Mordecai who truly desire to share Your unconditional and unceasing love.  Let me rest in a promise and pace that is guided by You. Remind me that wherever I go, whatever I do, and whoever I am, Your love and grace will not let me know.  May I breathe in this truth now and in the days to come, for such a time as this.  Amen.  

Breathe

 

So far this week, we have considered the false and true Mordecai in our lives.  Those who want to force a choice now and demand a donation, and those who join us in the messiness of choices without trying to fix/save/advise us.  We listed the decisions we are facing personally, religiously, politically, communally, and relationally.  We have named and noticed our list of pros and cons.  And we’ve realized that the choices we make have ripple effects on others.  Hopefully you see why choices have a weightiness.   In such a time as this, we can feel overwhelmed by all that we are facing.  Perhaps we empathize with Esther because we feel like we have the whole world on our shoulders.  So today, I want to invite you to breathe.  Remember that the false urgency of a Mordecai today wants you to decide right now or you will miss your moment.  But, in the spaciousness of God, there is always a pause.  Or as Viktor E. Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space.  In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  I would add to that that in that space is a Sacredness of God seeking for us to pay attention to the One paying attention to us.  It helps to breathe.  I invite you to get out your decision list and breathe.  Invite God to sit within you in that space.  Listen for God.  And I pray if you need a Mordecai to help you listen to your life, I am also glad to be present with you in those spaces and places we find ourselves at such a time as this.

 

Here is a wonderful breath prayer by Rev. Sarah Bessey:

Inhale: I invite the practice of

Exhale: peace and faithfulness.

Ripple

 

Yesterday, I said that a true Mordecai in our life won’t make up false urgency to decide right now.  Yes, some decisions are time-limited.  But many of the decisions we face in such a time as this have a spaciousness for us to breathe, ponder, pray, and listen to God, others, and ourselves ~ that last part of listening to your life is vital.  A true Mordecai’s doesn’t reduce decisions or give me advice, but joins me in the messy middle and the squeeze between the rock and hard place.  Yesterday, I invited you to listen to the decision you are facing personally.  This could be medically or vocationally or volunteering, or which issues you are called to offer your life to or where you want to live.  Some of these decisions are thrust upon you, not of your own choosing.  The decisions we face rest not only in our one wild and precious life but can have ripple effects and ramifications on those we care about.  If I decide that I really want to become a clown in the circus, that is going to impact Gina.  Decisions can have relational ripple effects and religious effects.  How we see God matters here.  Is God a judge waiting and watching for your decision to render a verdict on your life?  Or is God the caring, compassionate one sitting with you and reminding you that you are beloved, whether you go left or right or stay put or dig deeper?  Finally, some of our decisions impact our community and country.  This is true of voting.  This is true of what we post online.  This is true of how we speak outside our homes.  Today, ponder the decisions you are facing, and ask if there are others who this choice will impact.  Esther’s choice impacted a whole group of Jewish people.  Most of my decisions rarely mean life or death for others or myself, even when it feels that way.  From yesterday on that page with pros and cons or if you made a decision tree, name and notice others who might be impacted by what you are facing.  Sometimes the pressure we feel is because there are people quietly and silently on the margins of the page who we haven’t noticed, but our hearts know our choice will effect and affect.  Hold this truth alongside God, who is there with you in the rock and hard place moments we all are wedged and wiggling our way through in such a time as this.  Amen.

False Mordecai

 

Yesterday, we played with the idea that lots of people want to wear Mordecai’s sandals in our lives.  There are lots of people who want to fix, advise, save you, tell you what to do, how to do it, when and where you should show up, and to act now or you will fail!  And these messages tell us, send $50 now to support the cause, because don’t you care?!?  False Mordecai’s come to us as marketing schemes and fundraising demands.  False Mordecai comes to us wearing masks of urgency and pulling the strings of compassion.  False Mordecai comes to us through social media platforms or 24-hour news cycles or political machinery.  How do we know when our still-speaking God is showing up wearing the skin-suit of another?  How do we tell a true Mordecai from a false?  First, pause.  Breathe.  False Mordecai, like all salespeople, operates with made-up urgency.  You must act now!  Unless someone is dangling from a ledge or playing out in the street with a speeding car zooming down the road, chances are you can breathe…even walk away… to tell the “Mordecai” that we want to pray on it, rather than be preyed upon.  Second, pray.  Listen for God.  Several weeks ago, when we read 1 Corinthians 12, Paul talked about the spiritual gift of discernment.  Discernment is a wonderful dance between the individual and collective.  One form of discernment is to use the tool of listing the pros and cons.  For Esther, the pro of speaking up was saving her people, including Mordecai, who was her adoptive father.  The con was that she was risking her life from a King who had already banished one wife.  The pro was she could make a difference.  The con was that there were no guarantees of success.  Do you see that this was not a slam-dunk decision?  Oftentimes, A False Mordecai preys upon the idea that their way is the only way and that other ways will make you less of a person.  Ultimately, Esther needed to consider the consequences.  She could hold onto her life and possibly watch her people endure the heartbreak and soul ache of genocide, or she could risk her life for the sake of others.  Finally, let me be clear that even though my mind wants to make so many life-or-death decisions, rarely do I wear Esther’s sandals.  Yet, A False Mordecai makes it seem that if I don’t do this now, donate now, act now, I will be seen as less than and a failure.  Today, I invite you to ponder prayerfully the decisions you are facing.  Write them down.  You may make a list of pros and cons.  Or you can Google how to make a decision tree.  After you put down your thoughts, listen for God’s guidance.  And there is a third step.  Find a trusted friend.  A true Mordecai in our life will sit with us in the rock and hard place moments, not telling us what to do or trying to advise/fix/save us…they will help you listen to your life and how God is seeking to show up.  Tomorrow, we will ponder the true Mordecai in our life, but for now.  Name and notice the decisions you are facing personally, religiously, relationally, and as part of wider communities/groups/country/world/cosmos.  Amen.

For Such a Time as This

 

The comedian Jerry Seinfeld once said we spend a lot of time talking about time.  Whether we are rushing around at a frenzied pace ~ feeling like a Tasmanian devil who just drank ten cups of coffee!  There is an image for you.  Or we are frustrated that the line is moving too slowly, or wishing we could turn back time, rewind, and revisit that moment when we blinked and missed a significant event.  Of course, the concept of time is part of human invention.  Our ancestors didn’t wake up to an alarm clock when tending sheep or cultivating crops.  Their bodies lived closer to the earth and its rhythm.  Plus, we know that gravity affects time.  Time moves a little faster at the top of the Empire State Building than at street level.  Who knew your Morning Meditation was going to include a science lesson?  I think about this when I hear Mordecai say to Esther that perhaps she had come to her royal position for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14).  Remember from yesterday’s sermon a few key fun Bible Nerd facts.  First, Mordecai and Esther are strangers living in a strange land.  They are foreigners, refugees.  They are not Persians; they are immigrants.  Not only are they marginalized ethnically, but also religiously as Jewish people.  Third, Esther was an orphan, which meant she found herself at the intersectionality of discrimination based on family status, gender, religious affiliation, and nationality.  That is a place of vulnerability and fragility.  She is so far on the margin that a stiff breeze could blow her over the edge.  The interesting plot twist is that Esther catches the King’s eye, and he marries her.  Well, he added her to his harem, because let’s not try to frost over the burnt cake of sexual oppression of women/sisters in faith by men, both in scripture and in our society still today.  But Esther’s does have access to the King.  However, this particular King was not a great guy, because he had one of his wives banished for refusing to participate in a beauty pageant he was putting together during a six-month party.  Seriously, who has the time for a six-month party?  But I digress, or maybe that is part of the point, too, in this story.

 

Mordecai is asking Esther to play the only card she has in her hand to advocate for the Jewish people whom the King is plotting and planning to kill.  This reminds us that the Bible is an adult book written for adults with themes and threads that are still woven into the fabric of our society.  Do I speak out or stay safely on the sidelines with my head down?  Do I dare step into the arena, or should I stay in the stands amid the masses?  When and where do I use my voice today?  Let me be clear that you may have a Mordecai calling you to do something that your heart objects to.  The truth is, there are a lot of voices out there demanding and decreeing that you do something NOW.  That you must act now or else you are being complacent and complicit with the enemy.  That if you will miss your chance to be Superman and Wonder Woman and Mighty Mouse here to save the day.  Good grief.  There is so much money wrapped up in playing us against one another.  As the mystics say, when pulled left or right, I choose to go deeper.  Too often, pastors can play the Mordecai card, telling you what you should do.  But ultimately, Esther had a choice, and so do you.  Who is a Mordecai in your life?  How is that person speaking to your life?  Through face-to-face conversation or over emails that flood your inbox or by being an influencer pouring out hours of content that you consume?  Where do you feel energized to stand up and speak out, and where is there reluctance?  Let’s sit with this today, asking God to cut through the chaos and clutter of our noisy world with a voice we need.  Amen.

Prayer

 

God of light and love, we don’t always understand Your ways.  We wish loving other humans didn’t feel like trying to hug a porcupine.  We wish that love could follow a formula or process that would guarantee results.  And yet, such a static world would be stale.  And such a world would not reflect You, O God, as You evolve and expand with each experience in this world.  God, help me continue to sit with the hard questions and invite Love to have a voice in this dialogue.  Help me stay engaged at the table, not searching for easy answers, but committed to continuing the wayless way of showing love in very human-sized approaches.   When I make mistakes, may I seek forgiveness.  When I feel my heart burst with love, may I enjoy that too.  When I am tired, hold me in an embrace I need every day.  God of love that never lets us go, help me lean into Your everlasting arms and feel Your presence filling and fueling my life.  Amen.