Relationships Part 13

 

Yesterday, we described the reality that our relationships are feeding and fueling our lives.  Sometimes what others serve us – gives us life.  Other relationships have all the nutritional value of what I would eat as a child at Iowa State Fair.  I am looking at you deep-fat fried corn dog with a side of funnel cake washing it down with a large root beer.  Good lord, what was I thinking!

It is important to see what is being served to your heart, mind, and soul in your interactions.  It is important to name and claim that not everyone is looking out for your best interests or wants you to thrive.  It is important to sense that some people are broken, passing along their pain, because as my grandmother would say, “Misery loves company… and some people always have an extra chair for you at the table of woe.” 

I believe part of being present is being awake and awake to the moment ~ rather than replaying the past or worrying about the future.  Prayerfully practicing awareness in the moment by:

~Be aware of who you are interacting with today ~ does the interaction seem easy or cause your stomach to do somersaults?  Your body will tell you quicker than your mind, your soul will shout out if you listen.

~Be aware of when you are interacting.  I have more emotional, spiritual, and relational energy at the beginning of the day.  I can deal with people who drain me easier at the start of the day.  But around 3 pm, I need to laugh and feel love.  Become acquainted and aware of your emotional energy tank - your peaks and valleys.

~Name and claim your why you are interacting with someone.  If there is a “should” or “ought” attached to your reason…hold the words you are saying and be curious about if the story you are telling yourself.  Ask is this really true?  Do you have to call that person right now?  Do you have to respond to that email instantly? 

~ Name and claim the “what” of the relationship, remembering that we usually cannot change another person by one interaction.  You dropping knowledge on someone may make you feel fantastic and cause another person to receive you as a chronic or wounded or write you off quickly.  You are but one cook in the kitchen of life.  You are one actor in the life of another person’s story…and you may not be even part of the supporting cast! 

~ Name and claim the how you are interacting.  Do you sense that you are sharing too much? Does silence make you shift uncomfortably to just start throwing and tossing out a verbal salad? 

The dynamic…which is to say difficult…part of relationships is that you cannot isolate all these factors.  The who, when, why, what, and how are tangled and twisted in you and the other person.  This is what makes the divine dance between “me” and “we” so endlessly evolving…never complete…in many ways challenging, but also a blessing.  So, at the end of the day, we return to the prayer: may you know joy, love, peace, and contentment.  And may each person you encounter on life’s road know the same.  Amen.