Relationships part 12

 

As we begin this week, the last week of August, what have been some “Aha” moments for you over the last month of paying attention to the divine dance of “me” and “we”?  For me, I have realized and recognized more about being present in the fleeting/fading moment, especially to those I care so deeply about.  I have named and claimed, trying to tame, the deep desire to expect others to be perfect…which also means that I let go of being perfect myself.  I’ve sensed how important it is to have coaches, companions, colleagues, casuals, people I care about…I’ve come to see that there will always be chronics and people who pass along their pain in my life too. 

People are complex and rarely fit into neat and tidy boxes of classification or category.  Yet, notice how quickly we do try to confine “others” in boxes, even as we know that there is more to each of us as individuals than on the surface.  If there is a depth in me, what about all the “we”s that are in this world?  What we can pay attention to is the who, what, where, when, why, and how we are interacting with each other.

For example, if someone is chronic complainer, before you go calling that person, why are you calling?  What do you hope to accomplish?  Before you do something ask, what is the why that is driving your decision?  Is that just your cross to bear?  Do you have the emotional and relational and physical fuel to engage that person?  To be sure, you may have to call even if the inner-five-year-old is shouting, “I don’t wanna!!”. 

John Townsend in his book, “People Fuel” makes the point that just as we need good nutrition for our bodies…we need to pay attention to what we are feeding our mind and heart and soul in how we interact.  We can fixate and focus on eating vegetables and exercise, forgetting that you also need relational nutrients.  We need to feel acceptance, feel validated, safe, share new ideas, dream, be forgiven, and offer/receive wisdom. 

Consider what words you are hearing?  Much of what passes for engagement has all the nutritional value of cotton candy.  Much of what we hear or read is not feeding or fueling our lives well.  Just like if I consume too much junk food, my stomach will rebel.  So too, if all I do is listen to people bicker and grumble, my soul will rebel, and I will feel exhausted. 

You need quality relationships that feed and fuel your life.  You need coaches who respect you and celebrate your growth…and will challenge you in good ways.  You need companions who comfort and console you…and will be there by your side to help you so you don’t eat the whole Ben and Jerry’s ice cream container. 

What words are feeding and fueling your life over the last few days?  Sometimes the people are not physically in the room – but on cable news always on in the background and Twitter comments you constantly scroll.  Those words are leaving an impression. 

Prayerfully ponder your relational diet today.  And may you know joy, love, peace, and contentment.  I pray these words become flesh in your connections to others. Amen.