Relationships Part 11

 

Did you discover yesterday folks who were comrades/companions or colleagues?  Did you rummage through your memories for coaches in the past?  Were you able to name some people you casually see from time to time?  Or maybe you thought of some people who did not fit in ANY of the classifications.  Townsend offers three more groupings:

 

1.     Care – those who we seek to shower with hesed which is God’s love, peace and presence.

2.     Chronic – people who are always longing and looking for more hesed…energy…fuel… attention from us.

3.     Wounded – people who hurt and harm us in all sorts of ways because of their own woundedness.

 

To reiterate, some of the people from yesterday might also fit neatly and nicely in the words above.  For example, my family are companions on life’s journey AND three people I care about more than words could express.  I care about people in our church deeply.  Unfortunately, humans have the compacity to hurt one another.  There are people in all our lives who cause the fuel tank of our soul to feel depleted and drained.  Often, because we are faithful folks who love because we are be-loved of God, we have this notion that we must… have to… ought to… should…keep on loving the chronics and wounded/injured/soul draining people in life. 

 

Here is where life is more than a mathematical equation to solve, but a mystery to be lived.  The complexity of life doesn’t just mean we can completely avoid or un-friend the chronics and wounded ones in life.  There are chronics who I do care about and I choose to continue to do so.  Some of the folks in this combine category include extended branches on my family tree.  You might have someone who can frustrate you so much your fuel tank is exhausted and emptied, only the next time to say something that strangely warms your heart.  Know that we need healthy boundaries with chronic and wounded folks.  One of the most important ideas is to decide when and where I stay in the relationships.  You may have bosses who are chronic and you can’t get another job.  You may have family who are wounded, but you are still connected.  You may have friends you feel compelled to care about, even when you are not sure you can really help.

 

There are a thousand other scenarios, relationship dynamics and dance, that you live every day.  There is no formula that I can give you to make everything magically better – where every day is boat rides down a chocolate river. The power of these categories is to give us a framework, scaffolding to view our lives and relationships.  The point is not to box someone in, because change is constant in the divine dance of “me” and “we”.  But this can help us sort through why do I always feel drained after talking to that person?  Why do I not want to go to that dinner party with that person?  Why am I drawn and want to be around this other person?  Awareness can aid our living.  Continue to explore and experience the relationships that feeding and fueling your life.  I pray that these seven groupings might shed some light on your life this day.

 

Prayer: God, You came to us in the flesh/breath/bones of Jesus Christ to make our relationship real.  Help us accept one another with all our blessings and brokenness.  Help us accept ourselves as Your beloved.  Thank you for continuing to companion with us.  Amen.