The Big Five Needs

 

Steve Cuss has taught us a great deal about Family Systems Theory.  He talks about the big 5 false needs in our life: Control, Perfection, Knowing the Answer, Being there for everyone, and Approval.  Do you see yourself in any of these?  I wonder if Martha struggled with the Big 5; I know I do.  Cuss reminds us that in systems, there is reactivity ~ and once someone becomes anxious ~ everyone catches that.  There is that cliché: if mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.  Maybe that happens at a meeting or at church; if the pastor ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.  We also all operate on assumptions.  We make assumptions about Martha ~ the perfectionist and control freak, just like our cousin who had to take over the family picnic last year, even though you are perfectly capable of picking up the potato salad!  Sorry, just had to get that out.  We make assumptions about Mary, the lazy one who would rather pick daisies than do some honest work for once, like our nephew who is still trying to get hired as a CEO right out of college; kids today, am I right?!?  We have predictable patterns where I keep doing what I normally do, but end up with the same results.  I know this week has given you a lot of information.  Breathe and be with me.  Know that you are beloved, especially when all of this feels too close to home.  Remember that grace isn’t earned or deserved; grace is given again and again by a loving God who longs for us to see God’s presence in the systems of our soul to be ourselves.  Amen.