Why Did I Do that?!??

 

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Romans 7

 

Yesterday we had the “fun” homework assignment of thinking about our afflictions.  I know that blog post has probably gone viral by now with thousands of people, because it is everyone’s favorite topic…said no one ever in the history of the world.

 

Paul talks about afflictions producing endurance.  Well, at least sometimes, because other times the challenges and mountains of life cause us to reach for the remote control to binge watch the latest season of your show of choice.  We want to numb our afflictions not endure through them ~ not that we share this reality of our lives with others.

 

Paul says endurance produces character.  This is a reminder that the rituals and routines of life persist in our life.  How we live each day is how we live our life.  Our honest values are shown in how we show up.  And the more aware we are of this truth, the more we can be intentional and prayerful about moving about this bruised and broken world. 

 

This is why one of my top ten favorite verses is Romans 7.  I often don’t understand why I do or say what I do.  Often it is because I say something and I can hear the color commentary in my brain say, “Oh for the love of Pete!  Don’t say that!”  Insert door opening and my brain leaving.  Of course, the truth is that I don’t exactly know why I do what I do, that doesn’t stop me from deflecting or defending myself.  As Brain McLaren says, we prefer a confident lie to a convoluted, contradictory truth.  The truth is that we are all a messy recipe of contractions.  We say one thing to this group of people, because we don’t want to get unfriended or ghosted.  Then, we turn around and say something exactly opposite to another.  God forbid if the two groups ever encounter each other.  Eek! 

 

Is there something you have done this week that you don’t know why you did?  This doesn’t have to be major.  You laughed at a joke told at another’s expense.  You gossiped.  You participated in the parking lot meeting afterwards where you pulled someone down to prop yourself up.  Hold these human moments, not with shame or guilt, but because these moments can be your teacher.  God often moves through our mistakes more than our successes, or maybe I can see God’s redemptive work in my bumbles a bit better.  May you sense God’s shalom/wholeness/unconditional love in moments when you bonk your head with your hand thinking, “Wes, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into!”  Amen.