Why Did I Do that Part 2

 

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Romans 7

 

Paul is clear that it isn’t just that we are a mystery to ourselves, it is that we can find ourselves doing that very thing we didn’t want to do.  Your life and mind can be like Wiley E. Coyote always chasing after the elusive Road Runner; constantly buying the next great item from the Acme Catalog that promises to be the antidote for what troubles us.  And more than that, we can act in ways that contradict our values.  Of course, that is not what we post to social media.  If we want to project a healthy life, we don’t post the video of us consuming the whole container of ice cream.  We don’t broadcast our implicit bias which caused us to miss a moment.  What are humans, O God, that You are mindful of us.  Is there something that you have done recently where the prevailing emotion is guilt or shame?  It is important to differentiate these two ~ guilt is that thought that I did something bad…shame is the persistent thought that I am something or someone bad.  The two together are a toxic cocktail that too many of us drink daily.  Guilt is never a great motivator for change.  Oh sure, in the short-term pointing out our foibles and where we fall short can produce some change.  But eventually we pour so much energy into trying to outrun our guilt that we get exhausted.  To be sure, the church has gone to the guilt well so many times that it has run dry for many people…and might be one of the reasons people no longer attend.  The message of the Gospels is God’s love is.  Period.  Full stop.  God doesn’t deny our boneheaded or broken moments.  God doesn’t love us despite our humanness or because of some strange accounting jujitsu of the cross.  God is love.  And love to be love is unconditional.  To be sure, others will offer the word “love” that comes with terms and conditions in tiny print that make the ones you agree to when you buy a phone or sign up for a gym membership look tame.  But love in its Gospel form doesn’t depend on the shiny halo we wear.  Hold this.  I believe God’s love for us is the force that can shape us to be exactly who God formed and fashioned us to be for such a time as this.  Amen.