Dealing with Disappointments ~ Older Son

 

Yesterday we pondered moments we run away from disappointments and pain, times we numb the ache with shopping, alcohol, scrolling on social media, or binge-watching Netflix whilst eating ice cream right from the container.  The younger son ran away from disappointment, the older son wallowed in it.  The older son dealt with disappointment with that British cliché of a stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on.  Or maybe he even told himself the story that he had to work harder because that good for nothing younger son of his father ran off.  Sometimes our addiction of choice is workaholism, which is unfortunately not only accepted in our society but admired and rewarded!  We love to be needed and necessary.  We love to have people comment on how “busy” we are.  Sometimes we are busy as a way to dull the ache within us.  I am not sure what is in the cobwebbed corners of the older son’s soul any more than I know what caused the younger son to run off to see the world, but I do think both stem from not dealing with disappointments.  Maybe the older son told himself a story that he couldn’t leave because someone had to look after dear old dad.  Maybe the older son told himself a story that he was faithful while the younger son was irresponsible.  Maybe the older son held the chain of tradition that was so heavy, wore a mask of wanting to be seen in a certain light, or pushed down his own dreams by working his fingers to the bones.

Whatever ingredients went into the stew that was simmering in the older son’s soul, by the time his brother returns, it is boiling over.  The older son can’t even say his brother’s name or claim the relationship.  He practically spits out the painful words to his Mothering-Father, “This son of…yours!”  There is more disappointment, pain, ache, brokenness and hurt in those words than I could exhaust in a year of morning meditations.  Sometimes we run from pain, other times we push it down.  Sometimes we deal with disappointments by fleeing ~ other times by forcing it into a box that says, “Fine, everything is just fine.”  You have to say that last sentence with clinched teeth, tight jaw, and stress sitting on your shoulders pushing you into the ground.

 

Yesterday, I wondered whether the younger son was a 7 on the Enneagram.  I wonder if the older son was a 2?  Twos want to help, they are self-sacrificing, put other’s needs ahead of their own, are well-meaning, flattering, people-pleasers who can have problems with possessiveness and with naming their own needs.  At best they are unconditional in their love because they want to be loved, but they fear being unwanted and unworthy of being loved.  Go and read Luke 15:28-30, the older son’s speech to the Mothering-Father.  There is so much disappointment that drips from those words that I feel in my heart.  And there are times we feel unappreciated and thus, unseen!  The older son felt like he couldn’t even have a goat party with his friends…even though the older son owned the goat!!  Don’t miss this because the older son misses the blessings amid the brokenness/less-than-perfectness of his life.  Remember the Mothering-Father has already given away his whole life to both sons.  When has one of the sentences above fallen from your lips or ruminated around your mind endlessly?  May the Mothering-Father hold these moments of disappointment with a healing grace that sees you, loves you, and longs for you to live from that place.  Amen.