Dealing with Disappointments ~ Mothering Father

 

We have spent time diving into and dwelling in the disappointments that may have caused the younger son to run away ~ oh that has been my story.  We held close to our hearts the disappointments in life that may have caused us to grind and grit our teeth, just work harder to gain control over the situation like the older son ~ oh that has been my story too.  And now, we arrive at the ache of the Mothering-Father.  I see the Mothering-Father dealing with the disappointments with prayerful persistence, vulnerability, openness, and love.  When the younger son asks for his share of the inheritance, which is like saying to dear old dad, “I wish you were dead.”  The Mothering-Father agrees!  Talk about being prodigal!!  This is lavish to the extreme of outlandish and wasteful.  The “correct” answer in Jesus’ day (and in our own day) to such a request to be the money train for our adult children is something akin to, “You ungrateful brat!”  But no, the Mothering-Father, cashes in the CDs and IRAs and gives the younger son what he asks for. 

Wait…ever heard that cliché, “Be careful what you ask for”?  We don’t always see as clearly as we think we do.  Sometimes we think we have it all figured out, only to go a few more paces down life’s road and suddenly want to rewind time and have a mulligan in a choice we made. 

When the younger son says, “See ya” to dear old dad, the Mothering-Father lets him go.  In theological terms this is called “free will”.  God is not a puppeteer controlling every move I make.  God doesn’t dictate or direct or demand or decree compliance (that is Ceasar and the human powers!).  God gave us brains to make decisions, to chart our own course, and to do things that can help or harm.  We may say, “The devil made me do it,” when I say something cruel or lose my temper or feel anger boil over, but the truth is I have free will to leave God even when God doesn’t ever leave me.  Many of my disappointments come from me saying to God, “That’s great, God, I’ll take it from here.  Don’t worry I have a plan!” 

The Mothering-Father waits, watches, prayerfully persists for the younger son…and perhaps the older son too.  I wonder what dinner was like at the household while the younger son was away being the life of the party.  Maybe the Mothering-Father tried to connect with the older son, but the older son was distant or disconnected or too ‘busy’ to connect.  I wonder if the younger son left physically and the older son left emotionally, both relationally?  We don’t know.  I like the term, ‘prayerful persistent’, because it invites me as I wait to keep seeking out God’s wisdom.  I stay grounded in what God would have me do and what the next faithful step is, trusting that even when I misstep ~ go right when left might have been better ~ God is still there. 

Notice the Mothering-Father goes out to hold both sons ~ offers both unconditional love.  This is not the easy way.  I am much more likely to deal with disappointments by denial or digging deeper into the illusion of control.  I am much more likely to deal with ache by running away or racing around, but the Mothering-Father deals with pain by prayerfully and lovingly looking it right in the eyes.  I don’t have a seven-step formula for doing this.  But I do know that Jesus’ whole life he embodied this.  I keep reading the Gospels because Jesus’ birth, life, death, and resurrection sought to show this wayless way.  I commit my life to finding ways to let the gospel medicine of loving kindness, a prodigal-ness of lavish wastefulness in love, be the theme music that sets my life dancing especially in the face of disappointments.  May you and I continue to explore and experiment with what this looks like these days.  Amen.