It seems appropriate on the day that Fifty Shades of Grey opens in theaters to land in this passage from the Sermon on the Mount. To be clear, I have not read the book, I will more than likely not see the movie, and will not offer here any criticism for that which I do not know. What I do know is that we live in a world where intimate relationships are at an interesting place. I know that our twenty-something young adults are delaying marriage. They often talk about the struggle with moments when the romance in a relationship fades. That is not news to our great grandparents. Relationships are tough work. No one knows us quite as well as our significant other. I know all the right buttons to push to send steam rising from my wife's ears. At some point the butterflies of the first dates turn in the ordinariness of a Valentine's Day spent at home with the kids and a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream...who says I am not a romantic? I sprung for the quality ice cream after all!
Add to this complex mix a new phenomenon of invisible boy- and girlfriends. Where for a price, a company will send you texts, letters and voice mails pretending to be your significant other...supposedly to appease your nosy parents or your constantly questioning friends, I have to say that I have no idea what Jesus would do with that.
I know that relationships matter. I know that I made a vow to my wife almost fifteen years ago now. I promised with fragile words to love her that day and every day henceforth. Believe me, it has not been all chocolate rivers and pony rides. After the glow of the honeymoon wore off, sorting out chores and the realities of late night meetings and then throw two kids into the mix, why not? It is not easy. But it is worth it. Part of the problem is realizing that there are 7 billion people, what is the likelihood you will find your soul mate? Only if you work really hard at tending the relationship with the one in your life right now.
But people bring a mixture of blessed and brokenness into marriage. I try to be caring, but I tend to work too hard. I try to be a good listener, but I can get distracted by emails. I try to keep connected in a disconnected, time and space bending world where I can video chat with my dad twenty four hours away. That make presence and relationships move into new space.
So, where do that leave us? With a whole lot of talking to do. For so long the church's specialty in relationships was telling us what NOT to do. We have not spent much time talking about what to do. We have not dealt with the legacies of Victorian sexuality that still governs too much of the religious dialogue or the "just don't hurt someone" morals that came as a reaction. The truth might be found in the broad and wide messy middle. Tomorrow, on Valentine's Day, I invite you to think about your relationships. It does not need to be intimate. It can be your close friend. Who do you love and why? Is the relationship based on respect, mutuality, connected-ness of mind, body, and spirit? What do you value about the person closest to you? What annoys you? And where is God in the midst of all that?
I pray you will do more than just read this blog...that you will talk with the people you love and celebrate that love. Because we worship a God whose love could not be contained and came to us. And that for me makes all the difference in how I share love with my family!
Pax and blessing and Happy Valentine's Day.
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