Charting Our Complex, Complicated Love

 

One of the most overused words that we toss and throw around is “love.”  I often feel those four letters cannot bear the weight of our expectations.  Krista Tippet recently said, “I’m on record bemoaning across the years that ‘love’ is the most watered-down word in the English language. I know that invoking love feels very soft for our hard realms of politics and war.”  This is especially true in the church, where the central and core message of Jesus is to love God with our whole being (from the top of our heads to our pinkie toes) and to love our neighbor as ourselves.  (Matthew 22:37-40).  Unfortunately, Jesus did not give us a five-step, easy-to-follow plan to accomplish this call.  Jesus didn’t leave us an IKEA-like hieroglyphic art telling us how to live our faith, embody/express God’s love.  Jesus tells us to love God, others, and ourselves.  Mic drop and lots of furrowed brows with frownie faces thinking, “Um, could you say just a little more about that, Jesus?!?”  How do we love God?  I can make things very complicated, complex, and convoluted; it is truly one of my spiritual gifts.  When I boil down what it means to love God, for me, this invitation is about paying attention to God who is paying attention to you, me, and we.  We open our sacred imaginations to the traces of God’s grace etched in our lives.  It is only when we experience God’s love that we can express God’s affection to others.  God’s love that doesn’t come with a wagging finger of shame or blame.  God’s love, which isn’t passive-aggressive like me when I say to someone, “I am not mad, I’m just disappointed.”   God’s love is a thread that seeks to heal our wounded hearts, make us whole, and send us out…where inevitably other humans will hurt us again…so the process repeats again and again. 

 

How do you define “love”?  Maybe it isn’t just words but examples.  What does love feel like, taste, sound, smell, or look like?  When was the last time you were fully loved?  This June, we are exploring the theme, “Love makes a family”.  Both the words “family” and “love” are meant to be expansive.  Both words invite experimentation.  Both words will never be exhausted or explored in our lives.  This is one reason why the definition of love is too static.  If we try to confine love, it will become stale.  You can’t put love in a museum case behind plexiglass to protect it; it starts to wither.  Love and vulnerability are the street corners of your heart.  Love and expression are the prayers of your soul.  Love and forgiveness/healing are the work of your life.  Love and family are dynamic and diverse, constantly changing. 

 

Yesterday, I invited you to explore love by listing all the people in your family growing up, your family of a spouse/partner, and your neighbors/friends/Florida family of adaptation and affirmation.  After you name names, then write down the way “love” was experienced and encountered with each. Was love freely given or with more strings attached than a puppet?  Was love unceasing or given with expectations?  Was love withheld or shared?  As I do that, I start to see that the way love was experienced with my mom was different than with dad and is different than with my wife and my kids.  I start to see the breadth and depth.  You can make a chart where on the left you list the relationship: dad, mom, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, spouse, kids, neighbors, friends, etc.  Then add the names.  Then the way love was/is felt/experienced.  Then, any other notes.  Four columns that can help us see that love is messy and human and more diverse than the people who are trying to share this word in all our humanness in these days.  May God’s unconditional and unceasing love be with you, enfold you, and hold you as you try this exercise out.

Click here for a downloadable worksheet