I thought I had wisdom when I turned 16 and was given the right to drive a car.
I thought I had wisdom when I was accepted to college, ready to conquer the world.
I thought I had wisdom when the seminary handed me a piece of paper with my name written in bold fancy letters.
I thought I had wisdom when I stood up to preach for the first time.
My knees knocking;
My stomach swirling;
My mind whirling;
My heart pounding;
I was a mess.
The wisdom was not in the words I said;
Or the paper it was written on;
Or the ideas I sought to share;
Or from a committee who said it was okay to call me, "Reverend."
No the wisdom came from the weakness; vulnerability; and my inabilities.
The wisdom was in the uncertainty that hung around ever word that still falls from my lips every Sunday.
The wisdom was in the mystery when my voice cracks like a 16 year old.
The wisdom is in the "maybe" and "possibly" and "do ya think"...
For in those words, I give You space, O God, to move and dance with delight.
I give you, the one reading this blog, the space to respond.
I give me the permission that I don't have to be Super Spiritual Answer Man,
I can be me with all my beautiful insecurities.
So that wisdom is not what I know, but a willingness to say, "Let's go explore together."
May that desire guide me all the days as I draw near to Easter this year.
Amen.
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