According to Goggle...source of all that is true :-)...there are about 4,000 new words added to the English language each year. Yet, there are some words that could use a little more from the support cast in our daily language. There are some words that are in the spotlight so often, fall from our lips with such frequency, and honestly cannot bare the weight of the sentiment they are trying to carry. I think of words like: "Love" or "Beautiful" or "Sorry".
Of course, part of what has emptied "Sorry" of some of it's power is the recent development of the non-apology, apology. This is when a celebrity or sports star or someone more famous than us, makes a mistakes, stands before several microphones in a room full of media and says something like, "I am sorry, if I offend you." Or, "I am sorry that you feel that way." By emphasizing that part of the problem is the way others are reacting to the offense, they pull us into the spotlight to act as a shield against the glare. It is as if they are saying...well this would be so bad if you were not responding they way you are.
And because each week brings with it some person in public life apologizing...or sort of apologizing...about something it means we are awash in constant stream of the word "sorry" flowing from someone's lips. So, when people in our own lives hurt us or try to apologize, it can ring a bit hallow in our hearts.
Usually when the word "sorry" is floating in air it is because another person did or said something that hurt. Or we did something or said something that really hurt someone else. When you say something that hurt another person, to pile on another word like "sorry" may not help. The other person already has realized the myth of our childhood rhyme: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." In that moment we think, "Yeah, right. At least bones mend quicker than hearts." So "sorry" already has an up hill climb. And when it is an action that hurt someone else...broke trust...words feel empty in comparison.
I often find myself when my children apologize to me saying something like, "I will know you are sorry if you don't do that/say that again." Sorry points us to the truth that our words and actions sometimes falter and fail. Truth be told, we'd rather not deal with that reality! Which is why, perhaps, those public media events are so incredibly painful. It is hard enough to admit to ourselves we made a mistake...much more under the watchful glare of a media trying to fill 24 hours with news.
And so, why all this on a blog about the church/religion/faith? The church has for a long time been in the business of saying "Sorry"...usually to God on Sunday mornings in the prayer of confession. I was raised in the era of self-help...self-empowerment...so the church I attended did not do a prayer of confession. At that time, the concern was it made people feel guilty...and we wanted people to feel good. The concern was that too many people were leaving the church...and we needed people to stay. So, out was a prayer of confession. But we lost a chance to be honest that we don't always do what we want to do, or say what we know we should say. We lost the chance to shine a light on our own brokenness so that we might have a chance to change. A confession is not about guilt, although that may be our first emotion. And if we only stay in the emotion of guilt...chances are we won't change. Beyond guilt is the truth that in my relationship with God, just as in my relationship with my wife and my kids, there are moments I get it right and moments I get it wrong.
Confession is the chance to be honest about that. To be sure, worship and prayer should celebrate the moments I get it right too...see posts on "O" and "Thanks". But there is a balancing act here. Saying "sorry" is the first step...unfortunately too often the last step. I also need to be willing to look around at why I did or said what caused brokenness. I need to be willing to ask for help. I need to be willing to accept help. I need to be willing to be open to God's grace which can help. This is why often after confession we pass the peace of Christ. Not because we need a morale boost after being that honest. Passing the peace is a chance to say, we need something beyond ourselves to love our enemies, forgive and be forgiven, and to not cling to our stuff. We need...GRACE. When a community stands, shakes hands, and says, "Peace be with you," we are promising that we will try to support each other in the blessings and brokenness of life. And the person says, "And peace be with you," the promise becomes a two-way street.
So, this week, I encourage you to ponder prayerfully places where things feel out of sync in relationships with others, with God, and with yourself. Where does it feel like a winter of discontent, even though the summer sun is shining bright? We enter into this prayer time not with our heads hung low, but with our eyes wide open for where the light of God's grace can shine and offer us strength. I think that is the power of a public prayer of confession, we all admit we are sorry and we all accept we need more than just a trace of God's grace, peace, and love...we need as much as we can get.
May the God who promises us more grace, peace, and love than we can imagine move in your life this week.
Blessings~
Of course, part of what has emptied "Sorry" of some of it's power is the recent development of the non-apology, apology. This is when a celebrity or sports star or someone more famous than us, makes a mistakes, stands before several microphones in a room full of media and says something like, "I am sorry, if I offend you." Or, "I am sorry that you feel that way." By emphasizing that part of the problem is the way others are reacting to the offense, they pull us into the spotlight to act as a shield against the glare. It is as if they are saying...well this would be so bad if you were not responding they way you are.
And because each week brings with it some person in public life apologizing...or sort of apologizing...about something it means we are awash in constant stream of the word "sorry" flowing from someone's lips. So, when people in our own lives hurt us or try to apologize, it can ring a bit hallow in our hearts.
Usually when the word "sorry" is floating in air it is because another person did or said something that hurt. Or we did something or said something that really hurt someone else. When you say something that hurt another person, to pile on another word like "sorry" may not help. The other person already has realized the myth of our childhood rhyme: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." In that moment we think, "Yeah, right. At least bones mend quicker than hearts." So "sorry" already has an up hill climb. And when it is an action that hurt someone else...broke trust...words feel empty in comparison.
I often find myself when my children apologize to me saying something like, "I will know you are sorry if you don't do that/say that again." Sorry points us to the truth that our words and actions sometimes falter and fail. Truth be told, we'd rather not deal with that reality! Which is why, perhaps, those public media events are so incredibly painful. It is hard enough to admit to ourselves we made a mistake...much more under the watchful glare of a media trying to fill 24 hours with news.
And so, why all this on a blog about the church/religion/faith? The church has for a long time been in the business of saying "Sorry"...usually to God on Sunday mornings in the prayer of confession. I was raised in the era of self-help...self-empowerment...so the church I attended did not do a prayer of confession. At that time, the concern was it made people feel guilty...and we wanted people to feel good. The concern was that too many people were leaving the church...and we needed people to stay. So, out was a prayer of confession. But we lost a chance to be honest that we don't always do what we want to do, or say what we know we should say. We lost the chance to shine a light on our own brokenness so that we might have a chance to change. A confession is not about guilt, although that may be our first emotion. And if we only stay in the emotion of guilt...chances are we won't change. Beyond guilt is the truth that in my relationship with God, just as in my relationship with my wife and my kids, there are moments I get it right and moments I get it wrong.
Confession is the chance to be honest about that. To be sure, worship and prayer should celebrate the moments I get it right too...see posts on "O" and "Thanks". But there is a balancing act here. Saying "sorry" is the first step...unfortunately too often the last step. I also need to be willing to look around at why I did or said what caused brokenness. I need to be willing to ask for help. I need to be willing to accept help. I need to be willing to be open to God's grace which can help. This is why often after confession we pass the peace of Christ. Not because we need a morale boost after being that honest. Passing the peace is a chance to say, we need something beyond ourselves to love our enemies, forgive and be forgiven, and to not cling to our stuff. We need...GRACE. When a community stands, shakes hands, and says, "Peace be with you," we are promising that we will try to support each other in the blessings and brokenness of life. And the person says, "And peace be with you," the promise becomes a two-way street.
So, this week, I encourage you to ponder prayerfully places where things feel out of sync in relationships with others, with God, and with yourself. Where does it feel like a winter of discontent, even though the summer sun is shining bright? We enter into this prayer time not with our heads hung low, but with our eyes wide open for where the light of God's grace can shine and offer us strength. I think that is the power of a public prayer of confession, we all admit we are sorry and we all accept we need more than just a trace of God's grace, peace, and love...we need as much as we can get.
May the God who promises us more grace, peace, and love than we can imagine move in your life this week.
Blessings~
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