Forgiveness Part 2

 

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat. Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their minds and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone, you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.  Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation. Forgiveness does not excuse anything.  You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......”  ― William P. Young, The Shack

 

William Young’s brilliant quote reminds us that forgiveness does not mean forgetting.  Forgiveness is a process day by day.  And forgiveness ultimately is about trust.  Trust is fragile like an egg.  Trust is never static or stationary; it is dynamic ~ reacting and responding to the unforeseen experiences and interactions between you and others.  Yesterday, I invited you to hold a person you want to forgive.  Remember, forgiveness can never be forced.  You know this from your childhood when your mom told you that you had to say you were sorry for something, but you did it through gritted teeth and with your fingers crossed behind your back!!

 

I wonder if anything shifted yesterday?  Doesn’t have to be monumental or major, doesn’t have to be like a dam breaking inside, setting off the water works of tears from your eyes, cue the John Williams musical montage or Sarah McLachlan singing, “In the arms of an angel…”  Forgiveness doesn’t excuse, but it looks for ways to reconnect and reestablish trust when and where that is possible ~ as well as wanted by both parties.

 

I am not sure we talk enough about how much forgiveness and trust are tangled and twisted together.  I do know that trust is difficult and demanding.  I know that trust can be broken emotionally or physically or spiritually.  The friend who promised they would not tell another soul, only to text another friend immediately.  The pastor whom you shared your soul, only to tell you it was your fault.  The society you were told loved freedom and wanted you to thrive/flourish as yourself, only when you did, immediately you were judged with jeers and sneers ~ like the Sneeches on Beaches.  

 

Do you see why forgiveness and trust hold hands? When you work on one, you are touching the wires of the other.  What would it look like to begin to trust a person you want to forgive?  This does not mean you will call them and read the last year of your whole diary of your deepest darkest secrets.  Maybe you start small with something very superficial, like the new kind of granola cereal you are enjoying.  Trust takes time, just like forgiveness ~ the two are the train tracks that all relationships run on.  May you and I find ways to tend trust in meaningful ways this day.  Amen.