Thursday, November 13, 2014

Disappointments



Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

We all have moments of feeling disappointed.  Something doesn't go our way: we are passed over for a job promotion; someone says something that reminds us that while sticks and stones can break our bones, words really do sometimes hurt us; or we feel an internal sense of unrest.  In these valley moments sometimes we turn to the church.  But what exactly are we looking for?  Do you want the pastor to do a reprise of "The sun will come out tomorrow" from Annie?  Or do you want the pastor to dwell with you in the disappointment?  Or do you want a distraction?  Or some random combination of all three?  

Most of the time when dwelling in the valley of disappointment, I don't know exactly what I want.  Someone starts to give me advice or cheer me up or give me that look of concern and I find myself frustrated that it is not right.  Part of the issue is that this is a cultural myth of happiness.  We are all convinced that God wants us to be happy.  But is it really possible to be happy all the time?

St. Augustine is famous for comparing grace to a toothache.  He wrote that before his tooth started to hurt, he did not know how good life was.  But once that throbbing started in and he could not find relief, he would have done ANYTHING to go back to his previous, albeit naive, state of life.  Grace allows us to hold in tension the good and the bad.  Grace allows us to move forward, even while carrying the rocks from the past.

I think most of us eventually make peace with disappointments in life.  We move on.  But for me disappointments also remind me that I am not constantly in control.  I do things, say things, and assume things that have consequences.  I don't expect God to be Super Spiritual deity to swoop in and save me from my boneheaded self.  God does, I think with grace, help me pick up the pieces.  God does help me see the errors I have made...not with guilt but with grace.  God does help me have the strength to wake up tomorrow and say once more, "Thank you God for waking me up and thank you God for getting me up."

For me, the cliches don't always cut it.  Disappointments don't always make me stronger.  I can't just forget and forgive.  I don't just put my chin up or pull myself up by my boot straps.  No, I don't do any of that.  But faith gives me a light to see.  Faith gives me a hope to lean into.  Faith gives me a grace and love that make all the difference.  That is what I give thanks for every day, even in the valley moments.

Blessings and peace ~

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