Safe

 

“Safe is I’ve got this.  You are protected from physical and emotional dangers, harm, experience repair of ruptures in relationships, have appropriate boundaries (neither rigid nor unpredictable), empowered to explore and move, and present to your whole self (including body)…seen and soothed and safe is what helps us feel secure.” Sacred Attachment by Michael John Cusick

 

Once we are seen and soothed, we can live from a different place.  There is a different spirit that motivates our movement.  No longer is our energy poured into protecting the mask for someone to really see us lest they judge us.  We know move about the world differently.  To be sure, we live in a world that is constantly shouting, “Danger!!”  Our brain came with operational software to alert you to the lion lurking in the weeds, only now the lions are coworkers who betray you and take credit for your work.  Only now the lion is family members who offer you only conditional love if you wear the right religious/political/family mask.  Only now, the lion is a culture that will cancel you if you don’t toe the party line.  Only now the lion is a church that demands alliance and for you to increase your pledge.  Only now the lions are trolls on social media who respond to your post with words that drip with shame.  You have already met the “lions” in your life; you have their claw marks on your skin/souls.  They go by different names and show up in predictable and sometimes surprising ways.  Because, like a gazelle in an open field, we all feel too exposed to a world that loves to comment and really loves to critique, offering you unsolicited advice.  Everyone wants to tell you how to improve your project of life.  We need a space where the people who see us and soothe us, cheer us on.  We need people who say, “You’ve got this.”  I think back to elementary school, where I would color with abandon and not worry about the grade.  I think back to early sermons when I didn’t worry about someone sending me an email dripping with disappointment.  I think back to moments of being carefree, not careless, but showing up as God calls each of us to be.  Is there a place you are safe?  Where and with whom can you intentionally cultivate that?  Where and for whom can you invite another into your space to be seen, soothed, and safe today?  May each of us do more than think about that last question, but seek to live that question with others.  Amen. 

Soothed

 

“Soothed means I’ve got you…others are available and responsive, comfort and care especially when distressed or ill, vulnerability and dependence are welcome, affection. Soothed promotes healthy self-soothing and gets us to safety.”  Sacred Attachment by Michael John Cusick 

 

In order to be soothed, we must first be seen.  Yesterday, we named and noticed how hard it can be to let down the mask of respectability and responsibility we all wear.  We want to be seen as competent and in control.  The truth is, it is not good for us to be isolated individuals on an island population of only the unholy trinity of me, myself, and I.  We need others.  All life is relationships.  We need people to see us and to help soothe us.  To be sure, there are ways we can soothe ourselves.  Breath work is important ~ when we notice our breathing and intentionally slow down our inhales and exhales.  This is one way we can calm our nervous systems.  One way to do breath work is to breathe in a verse of Scripture and breathe out another.  For example,

 

Breathe in, saying, “The Lord is my shepherd.”

Breathe out, saying, “I shall not want”

 

Try that a few times.  Breathing in each of those words, tasting them on the tip of your tongue, and letting each syllable sink and sing to your soul.  The Lord is your shepherd.  Each time you exhale, speak the words aloud, I shall not want.  Let those words be in conversation, not conflict, with the fact that we do want.  We want to be seen, soothed, safe, and secure in a world where those four words are not always experienced.  We want to know that our retirement is a big enough safety net.  We want to have a good day.  We want to feel loved fully.  I hold these truths lightly.  Not because I think God is shaking God’s head in disapproval at my long laundry list of wants, but because when I see my honest wants, God holds those with me.

 

Or you can breathe in to the count of four, hold that holy breath for five, and exhale for the count of six or seven or even eight.  Pro tip: when you hold your breath, do so gently, savoring this space between the inhale and exhale as if God’s very spirit is moving in you ~ because we know one of the first acts of Creation in Genesis 2 was for God to breathe us on the breath of God.  May these two practices help you feel soothed.  May your interaction with one person today help you know you are seen as beloved and soothed by such love.  May you sense a love that has you and will never let you go.  Amen.  

Willing to be Seen

 

“Seen is I get you…others are engaged and attuned to you and your needs, accepted and known for who you are, experience the delight of others and feel love, valued, welcome.  Seen is a foundation for experiencing soothing.”  Sacred Attachment by Michael John Cusick

Yesterday, I invited you to get out a piece of paper and write down the word “Seen”, and then fill that piece of paper with people, places, events, and experiences where that word would describe what you encountered.  Who “sees” you?  The truth is, we are all really good at wearing masks.  We all have a public persona that we put on when we go out to interact with other featherless bipeds.  Oftentimes, this mask is formed and forged by cultural scripts.  I want to be seen as successful, intelligent, witty, approachable, relaxed, centered, and calm.  On the surface, we can project these qualities.  As Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage,” and we want the Academy Award for best performance in real life.  

But inside the shy soul of all people, there is a stirring and a constant color commentary.  While my face may say “calm”, my brain and heart, and soul may be racing around worse than Chicken Little shouting, “The sky is falling”.  Like a duck gliding gracefully across a pond, we don’t see its webbed feet furiously flapping to propel the duck forward.  We may “see” someone on the surface, but we never really know what is beneath the veneer, the mask, the person wears (see Morning Meditations from October 13 about the Four Spaces).  I think of the great line from the hymn, “The Summons” that goes, “Will you love the you you hide if I (God/Jesus/Spirit) but calls your name?”  

That question takes a lifetime to explore and experiment with.  The reality is that we all have “let down our guard” only to have someone hurt us with words worse than sticks and stones that could break our bones.  Your soul and mine each have the scars of comments someone spoke ~ sometimes that wound hasn’t healed yet.   And so, my inner defense attorney shouts, “Objection!  I can’t let people really see me…what would they think!?!”  Today, I invite you to rewind and review the videotape of life when you showed and shared yourself to others.  The moments you felt fully seen, the times that still make you cringe in pain, and the hurt that hasn’t healed.  May all this be a prayer to the One who knows you before you know yourself.  May all this be held by the One whose love has you.  May all of you, your full public/private/ hidden beautiful beloved self, be seen today through the eyes of God ~ whose gaze delights in you.  Amen. 

Never-Satiated

 

Last week, I offered quotes from a book I recently read and enjoyed, The Fix by Ian Morgan Cron.  Today, I would like to share insights and ideas from another book, Sacred Attachment, by Michael John Cusick.  Cusick is working with attachment theory.   This is the deep desire in our human software programming that we want to have emotional bonds with others.  These connections are what help us manage stress, fear, and uncertainty.  Remember, all of life is relationships ~ with yourself, God, and others (or as Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” ~ Mark 12:30-31)

 

Or as God sang in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the human to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable ~ a companion and co-collaborator.”  Or as we talked a few weeks ago about the space in you and the space in others.  When those two spaces combine in a Venn Diagram of life and energy, there is a third space.

 

No one is an isolated island; no one is self-made, even though this runs counter to what our culture preaches, proclaims, and proscribes at the good life.  Cusick writes: “We want to be seen, soothed, safe, and secure in our lives.”  Life is like spinning in a tilt-a-whirl that is disorienting and dizzy.  There is a gap between the Gospel promise of Jesus to love and the reality of life.  Wait, pause, where do you sense a gap between what Jesus described as flourishing and your life today?  Cusick writes, “We struggle with unmet longings and expectations… our heart is ravenous in an over-indulgent world…never satiated.”

 

Notice how this “never-satiated” thirst is like what Cron described as addiction last week; we get attached to that which promises to make everything better, but doesn’t.  Or maybe the action helps numb the ache for a while, but then you wake up with a hangover or open your credit card statement or look in the mirror to discover that happiness wasn’t found where you thought it would be.  Jesus reminds us that God’s love has us.  God’s love is the shelter where we can be seen fully, our souls soothed, safe, and secure.  Rewind and review the videotape called “Your Life” and note times you felt seen, soothed, safe, and secure.  Maybe it was at summer camp, church service, a friend’s home, or a place you call home right now.  Take time to hold each word ~ seen, soothed, safe, and secure.  In fact, write down each word on a separate piece of paper and then fill that page with people, places, experiences, and events when that word was fully encountered and embodied in your life.  Name people who see you.  Name people to who you show God’s unconditional love.  Name places where you are free to be fully who God calls and crafts you to be.  May this exercise be a holy prayer practice for you.  Amen.  

Prayer for Today

 

Breathe and be.

Be and breathe.

Wrap your arms around yourself, giving yourself a hug. 

Hold that prayer posture as a reminder of the Holy hug and hovering next to you.

Be and breathe.

Breathe and be.

Trusting in the One who knows you fully and loves you to wholeness this day and every day in the dwindling year.  Amen.    

What do we want?

 

“No quick fix once and for all…recovery is about what you do with your pain, emptiness each day.  Recovery is about discovering and rediscovering God in a way that will interrupt your self-destructive behaviors and addictions.” The Fix by Ian Morgan Cron

 

As you have explored and examined your life this week, the best wisdom for today is to breathe.  In our over-programmed, hustle and hurried, addicted to flurry and self-improvement world, we want to be our best selves…now!!  We want to thrive and flourish…now!  I think of the song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory where Veruca Salt (embodiment of our inner lust for life) sings:

 

I want a ball. I want a party
Pink macaroons and a million balloons
And performing baboons and ...
Give it to me…Now!

I want the world I want the whole world
I want to lock it all up in my pocket
It's my bar of chocolate
Give it to me…Now!

Click above to hear the whole song.

We want the whole world…and we want it now!  We want it our way…not just when we order a Whopper at Burger King.  And I think of Jesus in Mark 8:36 saying, “For what will it profit them (meaning you and me and we) to gain the whole world and forfeit their life/soul/energy?”  Indeed, what can they give in return for their life?”  Or as Eugene Peterson paraphrases this passage in the Message version: What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

 

What are you running and racing toward that promises you life abundant, but just leaves you exhausted and your bank account drained?  What is it that you really want, but when you taste it, doesn’t satisfy?  Hold these hard, holy, life-long questions knowing that our patient and persistent God is always with us to help us sort through the beautiful broken rumble that is our life.  Amen.

Brokenness and the Process of Repair

 

Cron in his book, The Fix, goes on to describe how the 12 steps are for all of us, because we are all addicted or attached to something external to solve a very internal homelessness problem for our souls.  A quick review of the 12 steps:

1. We admit we are powerless over _____ ~ you can review the list in Monday’s Morning Meditation to remind you that we are all seeking some external salve for the scrapes and scars on our souls.

2. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore our sanity.  We give up the notion that we can save or fix ourselves; we need help!

3. Decide to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understand the Sacred/Power greater than ourselves.  Steps 2 and 3 can be the hardest.  We live in a culture that says you gotta pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and God helps those who help themselves and only the strong survive.  But see where that logic has gotten us in the headlines today?  Not as “evolved” as we like to think!  

4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves ~ or what Cron calls, “Hug the cactus”.  This is going to hurt.  This is hard and holy work.  We will need the help of others because shining a light on the scars, scrapes, and open wounds of our souls is not work we want to do, ever!  Cron says Make three columns on a piece of paper.  Column 1 is who did I hurt (include yourself); Column 2: where were you at fault; Column 3: what could I do instead?  Or go online to find other suggestions for this hard and holy invitation.

5. Admit to God, ourselves and another person the exact nature of our wrongs.  I was all in on this until there was that final part of saying my warts and wounds out loud to someone else ~ talk about feeling exposed!  Yet, that is important.  Pro tip: when you do this, choose someone who loves you and can hear you with an open heart. 

6. Ask God to remove all these defects of character.  Cron says, “You cannot hate yourself into being a more loving person.”  This higher power of grace and love needs to disrupt the stories we tell and absorb from the world.

7. Humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings.  In other words, steps 6 and 7 take time.  You can’t fix yourself like you are microwaving a meal for dinner; it is going to take a minute and even a lifetime!

8. Make a list of all persons you’ve harmed and be willing to repair the rupture.  You already started this work when you hugged the cactus in step 4, but after inviting God to review and renew and revive you, maybe there are new insights into the trail of brokenness you have left.

9. Make direct amends wherever possible, except when to do so would injure others.  This is where we turn from the internal to the external.  Who do you need to face and seek to repair the relationship?  How can you do this?  Again, this takes time.

10. Continue to take personal inventory of your life. When we are wrong, promptly admit it.  This is the ongoing maintenance of your soul.  It is like changing the oil of your heart that we need to do regularly.

11. Through prayer and meditation, seek to tend/mend the relationship with God and ask for God’s guidance and grace.  

12. Having had awareness through these steps, try to share with others.  We seek to draw the circle wide to embrace and include those, especially people who think that they have their life all figured out.

Which of the above steps did your mind yell, “Objection, God, this is not fair!”  Which of the above steps did your heart open with curiosity?  Which of the above steps did you want to go racing back to your attachment or addiction of choice?  Hold all of this.  You don’t have to race and run off to complete all the steps today.  In fact, don’t!  To race through the Steps in order to finish is not the point.  For today, just know that this is one process (there are others) that can help invite and invoke awareness of God, who is everywhere and anywhere you are.  Amen.

en.